The Chuckdaddy Xpress

That's All Folks

2007-10-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I'd been thinking about taking a permanent vacation from blogging, and thought this would probably be the best time. Something had to give with fatherhood, and as much as I've enjoyed blogging, the creative juices were beginning to feel fairly empty. I knew it was bad sign when my latest idea for an entry was to write about my hatred of tattoos, for the second time.

When I started, I never guessed I would do it for so long or get so much out of reading other people's blogs. The blogosphere is a strange/random place, but also an unexpectantly friendly one. I really did find myself maintaining and creating friendships. Anyway, thank you everybody who's come here to comment and listen to me attempt to make lists out of just about anything. I'm sure I'll continue to visit your blogs. Toodles...

It's a Boy!

2007-10-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. On September 28th Elliott Arthur Chuckdaddy was brought into the world! Some observations and thoughts so far

1. Acing His Tests Already

Well, little Chuckdaddy is already off to a great start. Good weight (8 pounds 3 ounces), solid height (19 1/2 inches), passed his hearing tests, putting on enough weight... The only one he didn't so well on was his Jaundice test, where he scored low-intermediate. Ouch. But no worries, he's getting yellower by the day!

2. Breast Pumps Are Weird

Wife got to use the electric breast pump at the hospital. Tres creepy. The scene reminded me of something out of an x-rated science fiction movie.

3. Real Men Wear Slings

Yeah that's right. I've been rocking the Kangaroo pouch sling and it is the shiznits. I can walk around with him, do things around the house, pee... And he's just silently sleeps away. Oh what? You think I'm a wussy-ass hippy? Yeah, well try saying it to my face punk and I'll kick your ass (while wearing my baby)

4. All Work And No Play

Grandma is doing a great job of giving us perspective (among other things). For example, last night after eating he started freaking out and I was ready to rush him to the rocking chair for some high-powered rocking w/ my finger in his mouth. Grandma though brought up just playing w/ him? Play? What a concept. At times I worry that I'm thinking of him more like a machine- one that I am scared of breaking and one that makes funny sounds I need to fix. But I need to remember too just to sit back and, well, play with him.

But yeah, definitely a life-changing event, but a great one. It is already hard to imagine that just 1 week ago he did not exist...

Albums of 2007 Thus Far

2007-09-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

So, I realize this is a bit premature. But as Chuckdaddy's daddiness comes closer and closer... Well let's just say I might be giving two shits about the best albums of 2007 at the end of the year when diaper genie maintenance and the pros and cons of montesorri schools become paramount to my existence.

Anyway... What are the albums of this year so far? I feel like there's been a bunch of good ones, by people whose previous album I liked better (Andrew Bird, Spoon, Beirut (I think, I just started listening to it), White Stripes...). I also liked Peter Bjorn and John's, but the only album that really stood out to me was Feist's Reminder. What about you guys?

Albums of The Year
Feist: Reminder

Overrated Albums
Any ideas?

Honorable Mentions
Spoon: Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
White Stripes: Icky Thunp
Andrew Bird: Armchair Apocrypha
Peter Bjorn and John: Writer's Block
The National
Battles
The Field
Of Montreal
Deerhunter
Panda Bear
Arcade Fire
LCD Soundsystem
Okkervil River
Patrick Wolf

Things That Are Great

2007-09-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

1. Ricola Cough Drops

God these are good. They make me want to have a cough. I mean, every other cough drop I've had was, besides being useless, a tease. They'd all numb every part of my throat other than the back that was actually causing the cough. Oh Ricola, Luden's doesn't even compare.

2. The Fusion Razor

You know, I've always made fun of men's razors and their obsession w/ adding razors, but I got the new Fusion sent to me in the mail and it kicked serious ass. It has not 3, not 4, but 5 razors. I hadn't shaved in a month (which actually doesn't mean a whole lot) and it was like a hot knife through butter.

3. Friday Night Lights

Is anybody else watching this show? My wife and I love it. I'm considering adding it to the trinity of TV awesomeness (Sopranos, 6 Feet Under, and The Wire). Seriously well done, great acting, believable dialogue... Can't say enough about it.

Stereotypes of Lesbians

2007-09-17T18:25:00.000-07:00

As long as they aren't mean-spirited, I'm actually kind of a fan of stereotypes. My wife works w/ refugees, and my favorite work updates are ones that concern some cultural generalization (The over dramatic Cubans, those dour Ukrainians, the Spicy Cheetos loving Somalians...). Of course, stereotypes can be used for racist purposes and an individual can always prove them wrong, but I find they are often, at least moderately, true.

I don't think this is the case w/ lesbians. Before knowing any lesbians, I assumed that most had short spiked hair, were good at sports, and tended towards being humorless hyper-feminists. Well, living Portland has given me a crazy large sample size of lesbians. And, many do have short spiked hair and, more than you would expect, are in softball leagues. But only 1 of the 12 I know fit the humorless type, and, actually, most seem to have great senses of humor.

I was thinking about this b/c in my Birth Class there was a lesbian couple and they were totally the class clowns. This gave me a theory. Being a minority and knowing you stand out, you have a choice. Everyone's going to be paying attention to you, so the best way of making everyone feel more comfortable, is to make them laugh. Ergo, lesbians actually become funnier than your average Joe. This would fit with the long tradition of other minorities being known for their homor (jews, blacks, gay men).

What do you guys think? Am I right? Should we be altering the lesbian stereotype? I think it's a solid hypothesis, although it does nothing to explain the propensity of Canadian comedians (Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Rick Moranis, Jim Carey, Martin Short...) during my formative years.

Overthrows #12, #13, #14 (Panama, Afghanistan, Iraq)

2007-09-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

Panama (du du du du du) Panama-a (du du du du du ) Panama (du du du du du) Panama-a-a-a-a-a-a

Noriega was an interesting guy, and by interesting I mean amoral to such a ridiculous degree that he was shockingly skilled at playing all sides. He managed a friendship with the US and Cuba, to work w/ drug dealers while reporting others to the DEA, and to call for Central American unity while funding the Contras.

America liked him b/c he helped the DEA, was an informant for the CIA (when Bush was in charge), and helped them in their fight against the Sandinistas in Nicaragua. That he was getting paid by a Colombian drug cartel 100,o00 per flight out of Panama and was a murderous thug did not start to be a problem until Congress began getting involved in a particularly egregious act. Hugo Spadafora, a reformer and critic of Noriega, was found missing a head that had apparently been cut off slowly. His brother brought this information to Jesse Helms (?) who began hearings.

Reagan's administration reacted by trying to hush these up, w/ plees to Helms to shut his trap so as to save their operations in Nicaragua. He ignored these plees and soon Kerry joined Helms in denouncing the America's support of this man. Things only got worse in 1988 when an old ally of Noriega became disillusioned at his chances for power, went mystic, proclaimed publicly Noriega's misdeeds, and said this great quote, "I am a criminal. I am ready to go to jail for my crimes, but I think Noriega should go with me."

Reagan was starting to change his tune and tried to convince Noriega to leave office, even promising to drop all criminal charges if he did. Noriega considered this, but in the end chose to stay in power (He wasn't technically president, but he fixed all the elections and controlled whomever was elected). With a new US president in 1989, Bush I, and another fixed election in Panama, the US decided to send extra troops. When one of these was killed by some Panama soldiers, a 25,000 troop invasion ensued. Noriega was removed and replaced by the guy who actually should've won the election.

And I'm going to skip summaries of Iraq and Afghanistan due to their recentness.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Guatemala (1954)

2. Nicaragua (1909)

3. Chile (1973)

4. Iran (1953)

5. Honduras (1910)

6. The Philippines (1898)

7. Cuba (1898)

8. Iraq (2003)

9. Panama (1989)

10. Vietnam (1963)

11. Afganistan (2001)

12. Hawaii (1893)

13. Puerto Rico (1898)

14. Grenada (1983)

The Panama invasion could have been gone better, for instance, we let a Panama coup die on the vine and our invasion was followed w/ looting and fires. Still, looked at it as an independent event, we took out a murderous thug and replaced him w/ a democrat.

But it's a little ridiculous to focus on 1 day and ignore the fact that wouldn't have been in power (probably) w/o our support. And let's not forget that Panama only exists b/c of a fake independence movement we started to separate it from Columbia and give us control of the Panama Canal. I'll put Panama at 9, the overthrow probably did actually help matters there, but our continual presence certainly did not.

Afghanistan and Iraq are tricky, at least partly b/c we're right in the middle of them. In both cases the governments we overthrew were bad ones and we have tried to bring in democracy. And before you start rolling your eyes, remember these are in comparison to invasions where we replaced popular presidents with generals. It does matter that the Taliban and Saddam were not good people.

Being pretty much against any war, I was opposed to our Afghanistan invasion. Still, it has to be our most understandable overthrow. We had just experienced the worst terrorist attack in the history of the world. And although the Taliban had not sanctioned it, to say they were "harboring terrorists" is not the joke it became w/ Iraq, it was the truth in Afghanistan. I place it above Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and Grenada b/c it's still a mess there. We need to keep in mind that they were in the midst of their own civil war (to some degree) when we came and there have been significant improvements in some places. But I wouldn't say I have a lot of confidence that our presence will make a bright future for Afghanis (except for the opium growers, that industry's doing great!).

And then there's Iraq. One of my first thoughts after reading this book (Overthrow), was how ridiculous it was that people called the Iraq war our first preemptive war. So... what exactly did Chile, Guatemala, Iran, Honduras... do to us? I guess it was our first non-clandestine preemptive war, but, that's all besides the point. Iraq is certainly worse than Afghanistan: no reason to go there, more violent, and less successful. But I can't put it worse than #1 - #7 since it really was a bad person we were taking out. And things are worse there, but perhaps not as much as it feels to us. Yes, the invasion has caused terrible chaos, but Saddam supplied controlled cruelty. The Kurds are certainly happy for the invasion (75% support US troops), and, surprisingly to me, more Shias say things are better than worse (46% say things are "quite good" versus 32% who say things are "quite bad"). The Sunnis feel otherwise (88% support attacks on us and only 3% support the troops), but this due in some part to their loss of power.

I'm not trying to defend the invasion, which I think was wrong, or to say the occupation has gone well. I'm just saying it's not our worst overthrow, not even close in my opinion. That award will go to Guatemala, which just edges out Nicaragua, Chile, and Iran. Sorry guys, better luck next time!

Great Sports Names

2007-09-13T06:52:00.000-07:00

Here's just a random list of some sports names I always liked. Any great ones I missed?

Milton Bradley

Coco Crisp

Joe Jurevicius

Plaxico Burress

Sterling Sharpe

World B. Free

Shawon Dunston (maybe doesn't belong, but I always just thought he had a very fun name to say)

And for a much funnier list of dirty sports names feel free to click below.

http://www.flumesday.com/111206dirtynames2.shtml

Overthrow #11: Grenada

2007-09-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

Grenada? You might be wondering why we even got involved in this island nation of around 100,000 people. Was it to dominate the nutmeg market (they produce about 1/3 of the world' supply)? No, it appears it was more about getting some of our world power mojo back.

Grenada's politics were very unstable. After getting independence from the British in 1974, they were led by a crazy guy named Eric Gairy who acted as a dictator and tried to convince the UN to investigate the Bermuda Triangle. He was couped by some commies, who then were couped by some uber-commies in 1983, who felt the other guys weren't going far enough.

The US claimed their reason for getting involved was to save the lives of US students at a Grenadian medical school, and the uber-commies had just killed off the old regime. But it probably was more about getting a notch in our cold war belt. At the time, the US was struggling in the Middle East. Actually, the day after making the decision to invade, was when a suicide bomber killed hundreds of marines in Lebanon. Actually, the US war-ship that was sent, had been on its way to Lebanon. Regardless, the takeover was quick. In what might have been the most asymmetrical war ever, 6,000 US soldiers landed and secured Grenada. Reagan reacted to the victory by proclaiming, "Our days of weakness are over. Our military forces are back on their feet, and standing tall."

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Guatemala
2. Nicaragua
3. Chile
4. Iran
5. Honduras
6. The Philippines
7. Cuba
8. Vietnam
9. Hawaii
10. Puerto Rico

11. Grenada

No offence to all the Grenadian Xpress riders or any of you major nutmeg fans, but it's hard to get too upset about this. The uber-commies had grabbed power by force, and things didn't bode too well for the people there. And the US overthrow was actually followed by elections. Albeit a US-okayed candidate won, but they had become more democratic, and, according to the book I'm reading, most Grenadians look back positively on the US interference. There were certainly some sketchy aspects to it. The rest of the world was so turned off that 100 nations of the United Nations passed a resolution "deeply deploring... a flagrant violation of international law."

Still, the world really didn't change for the worse b/c of this and neither, appearantly, did Grenada. We certainly can't say that about most of our overthrows.

Find Out Your Ultimate President

2007-09-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

Miguelito led me to this website that matches you to your ultimate 2008 presidential candidate. Kucinich was my #1, but this candidate I've never heard of, Gravel, was a close #2. Wife had Gravel and Kucinich in a tie.

Anyone out there ever heard of this guy? Also, am curious who other people will get.

Sad News: Jack Passes Away

2007-09-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

A very very sad labor day weekend. Our mutt terrier, who was perfectly healthy Thursday morning, got some awful disease called AIHA (Autoimmune-Hemolytic-Anemia), in which his body started killing his own red blood cells. After 2 in-vain blood transfusions, we made the terribly gut-wrenching decision to put him to sleep Saturday night at 2am.

We met him on a beach outside of Puerto Vallerta. He was a mangy skinny street dog who neglected the meat we bought him so that he could follow us. Every morning we'd see him at a local convenience store and he'd come w/ us wherever we went. After a week of this, we were smitten and decided to bring him home. A vet's note and a traumatic flying experience later (we were kicked off 1 flight when his carrier didn't fit) and he had made it to Portland.

Maybe it was his story, or maybe just him, but although we only had him 2 1/2 years, he made quite an impression on us. We'll miss him a lot. I've really appreciated all the support we've gotten from friends and family. That's it for now, thank you for all of your positive thoughts.

Pet Peeves #13 - #16

2007-08-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

Pet Peeves #1-#12

13. iTune Updates

I feel like every other week it wants me to update to another version. I'd be happy to just ignore their advice, since iTunes 5.4 seems pretty much the same as 7.3, but then it asks me every freakin' time 'till I give in. Just in time for 7.4...

14. Having To Go Inside To Pay For Gas

This is an Oregon thing and yes, it is stupid that people have no choice but to pump gas for us. But nothing annoys me more than when stations pump my gas, but make me go inside no matter what anyway. That's way more of a bother than just pumping it myself.

15. The Extra 4 Digits of a Zip Code

I mean, is this really necessary? My letters seem to get to places just fine w/ the standard 5 number zip codes. Is my mailman going to be confused by the multiple 212 Pine Streets in area code 97214? And, if they're going to add more numbers for specificity, do they need 10,000 more possibilities?

16. Hornets in My Classroom

OK, this is not actually a pet peeve, b/c this is the 1st time it's happened to me. But it's kind of weird. Yesterday, I'm setting up my room and I notice a bunch of hornets crawling around the window. I get closer + discover they're on the inside of it. Then I look up and see there's 20 more spread across the ceiling. Kind of disconcerting... Anyway, I get to have an exterminator visit my classroom today. How exciting!

Iron Cage Match #1,420

2007-08-28T19:48:00.001-07:00

Quiznos versus Subway

Quiznos so kicks Subway's ass. First off, the toasted subs? Yeah Subway's sticking them in a little toaster now too. But Quiznos was there 1st AND they have the super-cool assembly line style toaster. Way better. Secondly, Quiznos pickle bar is totally fucking awesome. I mean, I get to pick how many pepperoncini's I get? And I can choose banana peppers?

The only thing Subway has that's better is the outrageously charismatic Jared. And I'll give them that. I mean, does Quiznos even have spokesmen? But Jared really has no effect on the food, so even that's a pretty weak argument.

So yeah, it appears to be no contest. GO QUIZNOS!!!

Overthrow #10: Chile

2007-08-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

The Chile ( I like to chee-lay) overthrow is what you get when a country has lots of experience w/ overthrows. But why did we even care about Chile? Well, Chile does have lots of copper, and the 2 biggest copper companies were American companies. Additionally, Chile's phone company, ITT, was also an American firm. So when Chile's new President began talking about nationalizing their resources, some US business men were not happy. Nationalizing is sort of a double whammy for developing countries (See Iran). It both greatly upsets our businesses and sound a little bit Commie.

The US had first gotten involved in Chile in 1961. Kennedy was looking for a country he could positively reinforce for not being communist, and Chile, w/ its already long democratic tradition (since 1833), was picked. Their reward was US money. At first this was a good thing, but by 1964 the CIA began to get involved (never a good sign) and they began to move the money towards the Center-Left candidate and purposely in the other direction of Leftist Allende. This was enough at first, but eventually, in 1970, Allende received the most votes.

The US responded with every covert and uncovert trick they could muster from up its overbearing sleeve. Congress still needed to approve his presidency (Allende had a plurality not a majority), and the CIA paid to fill the Chilean press w/ anti-Allende propaganda. This failed and Allende was approved to be president. Next, the US focused on convincing the military to coup his ass. General Schneider, a supporter of democracy, refused and found himself dead less than 2 months later. Still, the Chilean military would not move on Allende.

Then the CIA upped it to the next level. Economically, American foreign aid banks stopped assistance, the World Bank suspended its $21 million loan, and Chile's credit rating was reduced from B class to a D. Additionally, US companies in Chile began a slow-down campaign that included delayed payments, slow deliveries, and credit denials. Politically, the CIA sent $3.5 million to opposition parties, $2 million to a propaganda campaign, and $1.5 million to groups to help them organize demonstrations.

By 1973 Chile was falling apart. The economy was in shambles and people were striking across the country. At this point the US finally found a general interested finishing the job, Augosto Pinochet. Once Allende had heard of the impending coup, he fled to La Moneda, the presidential palace, for the final showdown. The military showed up and ordered him to step down, Allende replied, "I will not resign. I will not do it. I am ready to resist by all means, even at the cost of my own life... Long live Chile! Long live the people! These are my last words. I am sure that my sacrifice will not be in vain. I am sure it will be at least a moral lesson and a rebuke to crime, cowardice and treason." The Chilean military responded w/ artillery fire, a British plane bombing the palace, and a charge inside. Allende was found inside, dead.

The aftermath in Chile was not pretty. General Pinochet became president and began a general beat down of all opposition. Leftist leaders were executed, officials from Allende's government were sent to a desolate island, and tens of thousands of people were arrested. Eventually (1990), Chile would get rid of him and Pinochet would be arrested for kidnapping, torture, and murder charges. A government-appointed commission estimated that 27,255 people were tortured under his rule

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)
1. Guatemala

2. Nicaragua

3. Chile

4. Iran

5. Honduras

6. The Philippines

7. Cuba

8. Vietnam

9. Hawaii

10. Puerto Rico

This one is bad bad bad. I put it over Iran b/c it seems like Pinochet was worse than the Shah. You could argue it's worse than Guatemala and Nicaragua, but Chile at least avoided Civil Wars and is in much better shape today than both. Not sure this is b/c of the US takeover, but still...

I guess I also see it as a little less bad then Guatemala and Nicaragua since Allende was a bit more of a troublemaker. He did nationalize the copper companies and the phone companies, and gave them nothing. Now, I understand his thinking. But what makes Arbenz and Zelaya's fall even worse for me was they were actually trying to work w/ the US and its business interests. Both agreed to pay off the foreign companies and Arbenz was only taking land that was not being used. I'm not saying Allende asked for it, I'm just saying...

How'd I Do on My Summer Goals

2007-08-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

Ah, yes. It is that time when the bastard calender feels the need to turn a page and my life is forced onwards back to reality... Yes, school (planning/meetings next week) starts Monday, meaning my summer officially ends today. I thought I would check in on how I did on my summer goals.

1. Cooking Staples

I did alright finding some cooking staples. I started off well, with a big coup being my discovery of the website epicurious (not as exciting as it sounds). As long as I went to the popular section, I found fast and good recipes. Still, my cooking majorly lagged w/ grandma and uncle in town and then when my class started and things went into high gear for the approaching baby. At least I found the website though- that is going nowhere.

2. Car Registration

As you all know, I successfully reregistered my car. Who' the man? Now if I could just get my teacher's license redone before September 8th...

3. Take A Class

Successfully completed Modern Middle East History. Definitely liked it, but certainly a lot more work than when I take a teacher class.

4. An Awesome Lawn

Okay, so after all that talk about edging, I think I did it twice. Which is fine.

5. Putting Together the Basketball Hoop

Check.

6. Find Where the Moths Are Coming From

Well, the moths finally reached a tipping point where more than just 1 or 2 were flying out of the pantry. Wife and I throughout much and I cleaned + vacuumed the pantry. The moths are pretty much gone. One weird thing though, some were living even in closed jars. WTF?

7. Avoid Rush Hour

I did a very good job w/ this. No reason to mix in with all you working folks on the road. Until Monday that is...

To All The Bloggers

2007-08-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

Here are a few questions I have for the blogging community...

1. Spacing

Does everybody else have issues with the way their blog adds incredibly large spaces when you go to publish it? I swear, I do the best I can to keep an entry on the short side, and then it adds complete paragraphs between a list of numbers.

2. Comment Boxes

I've noticed that about 1/2 of comment boxes are a little windows and 1/2 open up to a whole new page. Were people's just decided by random or do people have strong opinions about this? I'm not sure why this option needs to exist.

3. Responding To Your Commenters

I notice that a lot of people now make at least some response to every commenter. Is this rude not to do? If I fail to do it is it like not calling someone back? I am quite happy to inflate my comment totals as much as possible, but am not sure I have a ready response for my millions (err max 8) comments.

4. How Much Time?

How much time are people spending on theirs and others blogs? And how much time at work? I don't check mine at work. But my job is weird. I am either working in some state of mild panic (doing 4 presentations a day will do that) or am lazily procrastinating on my luxuriously long breaks. But what about you guys? On a side note, I think I'll take whatever number people give me and double them (like doctors do w/ your drinking and probably why mine got freaked out when I said I drank 2 beers a night).

Overthrow #9 : Vietnam

2007-08-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure about this one. Yes, it certainly was an overthrow, but it was an overthrow of a guy we installed. Does cutting the strings of your own puppet count?

The Specifics: Since WWII, Vietnam had been fighting (led by Ho Cho Minh) for their right to rule themselves against France. In 1954, France gave up and sued for peace. At the ensuing meeting, it was decided that Vietnam would be split in half for 2 year (the North- Communist, the South- friends of France), and then would reunite.

France had no interest in sticking around, so the US decided to get involved, mostly due to fears of spreading communism. The US picked Diem, a fat anti-communist Catholic, to lead the South. Quickly, things began to fall apart: mutliple coup attempts, Budhist priest buring themselves, protests... Basically everyone hated Diem (although he did manage to get 98.2% of the vote in a 1955 referendum, it must've been a very vocal 1.8%), and even moreso when he put off reunification and constructed a cabinet of his family members. Everybody's favorite Ho had had enough, and started a war to reunite the Vietnams in 1960.

The US at this point also decided they were through with per Diem. They chose General Doung Van Minh ( A general? How strange) to be the new puppet and in 1963 they took Diem out. What does stand out in this overthrow is Diem wasn't exiled, he was murdered by Big Minh's men. They claimed his bullet ridden stabbed body was a suicide (see picture at right), but no one believed this. This meant that JFK had sanctioned the act that killed a Catholic.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Guatemala

2. Iran

3. Nicaragua

4. Honduras

5. The Philippines

6. Cuba

7. Vietnam

8. Hawaii

9. Puerto Rico

I'm going to rank this one pretty low. Again, per Diem was not the choice of the Vietnamese people in any way, he was the choice of the CIA. You could argue, and some have, that this was the pivotal event that led to us getting more involved into Vietnam, so consequently this event started the Vietnam War and all of its badness.

I think that's playing a little too "What If". You could argue that JFK would have pulled us out if reeelected and not assassinated (as he had told friends), and certainly if BFK had been elected the history of Vietnam would have changed. I think the biggest event for getting more involved in Vietnam was us getting more involved in Vietnam. So sorry Vietnam, but you just barely edge out Hawaii and Puerto Rico, and that's pretty much just for the violent way per Diem was ousted.

How To Be a Music Snob

2007-08-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

Worried that your new tat and tight pants aren't enough to secure your position in the Portland Indie Rawk scene? No worries, if you just follow these simple rules you can sound like the music snob you always wished you were.

1. Their Old Stuff

One problem non-music people can face is when people around you are talking about band you don't know much about. Do you nod along appreciatively? No, you need to have an opinion. The best safe response is just to say, "Yah, that album's OK. But I don't think it's as good as their old stuff." Remember, "Their old stuff" is always good (just be sure it's not the band's 1st album), and "Their Greatest Hits" and "MTV Unplugged Album" are always lame.

2. Read Up!

Info about bands is way more important than the music itself. Take some time to keep up w/ what new albums are coming out and some intra-band gossip.

3. I'm Going Through a _____ Phase

If you only are into the newest coolest Indie music, you endanger being a status quo version of hipsterness. Shake it up by occasionally going through different phases of music. It's best if these are really specific w/ lot of descriptors (like Underground-70's-hard-core or 80's-Electro-Pop or, as Miguelito Friguelito once said, Swedish-Heavy-Metal). If you're not feeling creative, just say your going through a Jazz stage. That will at least give you some grudging respect.

4. What To Say When People Ask What Kind of Music You Like

You have 2 choices. The best response is to not answer, but merely shrug your shoulders and with it shrug off the notion that your musical tastes could be so simple as to be diluted down to a type of music. If you're of the nicer type, still don't answer the question, but instead go into a lot of detail about 1 band you're listening to. But whatever you do, don't say, "I like everything, except for country and rap". That is so high school girl in the 80's.

5. Embrace a Cheesy Song

This one's tricky, and you have to do it w/ a lot of confidence. But occasionally you'll need to pick a Top-40 song or some past equivalent, and talk about how great it is. If done badly, you come off as a media pawn. But, if pulled off, you appear as someone who is so not a media pawn that you can see through their schlock and still spot a good song.

A perfect example of this was a music snob I knew (Who not only worked at record store, but was told he needed to be more polite to customers. How snotty do you have to be to actually stand out as rude at a record store?). At a jukebox, he put on TLC's "Waterfall". When I showed surprise, he responded, "Dude, it's one of the best pop songs ever."

And feel free to use that line. You might need it when your cool friends stop by unexpectedly, and catch you listening to Justin Timberlake. Good luck and remember, as John Cusack said in High Fidelity, "It's not what you're like, it's what you like."

The Worst of Portland

2007-08-15T19:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling very negative today. Just thought it would be fun to put together this list. Any ideas?

Worst Intersection

11th and Sandy and Burnside

Or 37 corners. As if it's not dangerous enough, it has the disappearing lane when you're going west on Burnside and the parked car in your lane when you're going East.

Worst Asian Food

Anything that advertises their Chinese-American food

Most Overrated Restaurant

Pizza Ascholl's

Or Pizza AHoles as I like to call it. I still haven't quite figure out why 1/2 of Beaverton waits around the block for pizza that doesn't have enough cheese and is burned on the bottom. Maybe it's a Beavertron thang.

Worst Restaurant Period

The Mummy

I talked about this on one of my first posts (oh, memories...). I think its badness actually warrants a visit (just get drinks though)

Worst Suburb

A tough one, since as incredible as I think Portland is, I am not fond of the 'Burbs (Where I make my livelihood). Any thoughts?

Worst Parking Lot

The New Seasons on 2oth and Division

They seem to have put a lot of thought and energy into that store, you'd think they would've done their measurements correctly.

Worst Parking Garage

Powell's

That place scares me.

Worst Tourist Attraction

The Chinese Gardens

OK fine, I haven't been there. But even mentioning it makes me yawn.

Worst Annual Event

The Rose Parade or Cinco de Mayo

I might need to attend one of them to determine the loser.

Worst Rated Bar on City Search

Dr. Feelgood's Pub

Not sure why I find that fun to find (it actually takes some time to get to the bottom).

Worst Rated Restaurant on City Search

Holman's

Holman's! I totally disagree.

Fatherhood Worries

2007-08-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

So, no overthrow again this week. It's starting to feel like homework, and now that I actually have homework (Modern Middle Eastern History Rocks!!!), I find myself not being as into it. Anyway, I have much more important things to do, like making bookshelves (IKEA!) and getting ourselves moderately organized.

One funny thing that has been happening to me lately though, is I keep on having the same conversation w/ random middle-aged guys when they discover my wife is due soon.

Them: "Whoo, get ready b/c your life is going to change"

Me: "Yep."

And then it seems like I haven't sounded scared enough, so they keep going. "No, I mean be prepared. Your life will never be the same again. I mean, it's going to be great and all, but, man, your life will be totally different."

I've now had this conversation with 2 people I work with, the UPS man, and the friendly guy down the street who likes to tell me how much things cost. Interestingly, my wife hasn't had this type of dialogue once.

Now, of course I realize sering children is a big deal. But since I don't think it's possible for me to truly take in its life-changing implications, I might as well just wait. Here are a few things I am worried about though.

1. Wearing a Baby Bjorn

I'm not sure how else I'm going to carry around my child, but I just think guys look like such dorks w/ these things. Am I alone? I've considered avoiding it by going hippie and being the only guy in town wearing a sling. But then I'd probably put it on incorrectly and the baby would come toppling out. No, I think, unfortunately, I can only be trusted w/ the kid strapped to me via Baby Bjorn.

2. Ever having a complete conversation again

I always see new parents having trouble talking since they're always on alert for what baby's doing or responding to various issues. This makes sense, but I think parents get in this habit and let themselves be interrupted for like the rest of their lives. I just kind of hate that whole cult of the child everything 5-year old Jimmy says is fascinating. I'm all for sticking all the kids in their own room and both parties doing their own thing.

3. Watching bad movies repeatedly

I'm a bit of a movie snob, and there are very few cartoon movies I like. And I know, sooner than later, we'll be having to trade The Wire and Entourage for repeated viewings of Shrek VII. I know Hipster isn't having a problem w/ this (Since Shawshank is pretty much what you'd get if Disney made a jail movie), but I'm not looking forward to watching Dumbo 87 times. I guess that's what Uncle Petrovich is for (Hopefully, the kid will like Batman Begins).

Technology I'm Not Into

2007-08-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

1. Having a 5 on Your Cell Phone

I don't even get this. Does this mean calls are only free if you have them in your 5? Versus Verizon where everyone is free if they're on you network? Also, I always see this commercial and think of how evilly 8th grade girls will use this. Lisa? Oh yah, she used to be in my 5, but now I've kicked her out. And Tonya? I like her, but she just doesn't make the cut

2. iPod

I think I'm very alone on this. but my iPod continues to pick up dust. I was all excited when I got it, and thought that even though I don't use walkmen, I could use the iPod to move music from home to work. But it's such a fucking bitch to move music back and forth. I guess if I did the iRip or iCopy or iBitchassho things would be alright, but it seems just as easy to carry a CD to work once in while and rip it to my computer. And instead of organizing me, my music now seems all spread out (is that song on my iTunes at home? At work? In a CD downstairs?)

3. IMing

Messenger scares me. Maybe it has to do w/ the type of job you have, but I can't think of anything worse than being interrupted constantly by small talk. And isn't the point of e-mail that you get to think for a little before you write? I just think it is a very very bad development. Or perhaps it is already out.

Ways to Go Straight To Hell

2007-08-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

For many of us, whether or not we will spend our afterlife in heaven or hell is probably a bit up in the air. I mean, people are biased towards themselves, so most probably think heaven's their final destination, but many people can also think of more than a few discretions that might make their afterlife a bit hotter. Below are 3 ways, with no grey area, that can make your eventual path clearly towards one of the fiery circles.

1. Parking in a Handicapped Space

There's something about this that just seems so utterly wrong. I mean, does anyone do this? Like do bank robbers park in them when robbing banks? Or does some mild moral reflex pull them over to the space with the yellow diagonal lines running through it? I bet even serial killers don't. Seriously, I bet Jefferey Dammer never once parked in a handicapped space his entire life.

2. Calling Your Recovering Alcoholic Friend When You Want To Get Wasted

I think many of us have done some form of this, just not gone all the way. I mean, you know there's always that person that will drink with you, and on most nights you wish they would avoid the bottle. But then there's those times you just feel like taking it up a level... And you know who'll be there for you. But hopefully, none of us has actually actively brought a friend back off the wagon.

3. Kicking Your Dog

The worse thing about kicking your dog would be, you know, they would still come back to you. That next day when you came home from work there would be Fido welcoming you at the door. And that is why you would be going to hell and they to heaven

Overthrow #8: Guatemala - Fake Civil War

2007-08-06T08:50:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, been a little out of commission lately. The combination of this class I'm taking, tutoring, and the Portland opening of Ikea with the consequent assembly required left me actually quite busy last week. But no worries, I wil, trudge on to Guatemala.

Now, the Guatemala overthrow was extremely fucked up. It happened in the early 50's during the reign of the democratically elected Arbenz. He was a nationalist who felt a little bit funny about the fact that their economy was ruled by foreign businesses who didn't pay tariffs (and often little to no taxes). The most egregious offender was the infamous United Fruit (which Sam the Banana Man started) who by this point owned 20% (about 1/2 a million acres) of Guatemala's arable land, 85% of which they didn't even use. Arbenz passed a bill that would allow the government to buy back the foreign-owned land that wasn't being used.

United Fruit was obviously not happy about this. Lucky for them, not only did many high-ranking officials in Eisenhower's administration own stock in United Fruit, but the Secretary of State at the time, Dulles, grew convinced Arbenz was a communist being funded by the Soviet Union (no evidence has ever emerged to support this). In 1954 Eisenhower, behind the forceful urging of Dulles, decided to secretly fund Operation Success: a 4.5 million CIA operation to overthrow Arbenz.

And this overthrow is nuts. They picked former army officer (is it always a former army officer?) Castilla Armas to lead the "revolution". They had him invade from Honduras, while flying planes over Guatemala City, and broadcasting "Voice of Liberation" radio (which was supposedly somewhere in Guatemala, but actually in Florida). This continued for several days, with the CIA planes shooting up the airport and the "Voice of Liberation" radio giving false reports of popular unrest. Basically, the CIA had created and was carrying out its own civil war. Many Guatemalans were now assuming a Civil War was happening. Arbenz did not and made this public statement, "Our crime is having an enacted an agrarian reform which affected the interests of the United Fruit Company."

After this statement, things began looking up for him and Operation Success almost folded. Instead, the CIA architects decided to take it up a level and called for more planes to cause more destruction to Guatemala City. Eventually, Arbenz saw no other choice and abdicated. Soon after, Castilla Armas became Guatemala's new leader. Within weeks, the Land Reform bill was revoked (along w/ banning political parties and outlawing "subversive" literature).

The next 4 decades would be terrible ones for Guatemala. America would send hundreds of million of military aid to support one after another military dictators. Guatemalan resistance would head to the hills and engage in a guerrilla warfare. Between the rebels and the Army's killing (I mean, disappearances) of suspected rebels, around 200,000 people will die in Guatemala during this time (an estimated 93% were killed by the soldiers). Guatemala is now at peace with a democratically elected President, but much of the country remains impoverished with crime being a major problem.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Guatemala
2. Iran
3. Nicaragua
4. Honduras
5. The Philippines
6. Cuba
7. Hawaii
8. Puerto Rico

I know it seems like I'm just putting whichever I read most recently at the top, but this one does stand out to me as possibly our worst overthrow (although we still have Vietnam and Chile to get through). Like Iran and Nicaragua, a democratically elected President was overthrown. But the aftermath was the bloodiest. And even though things are going better there, whereas Iran still has their backlash regime, having been their recently, I know how much Guatemala still is still recovering. So yes, Guatemala, I give you #1 status, and am not sure anyone is going to knock you off the thrown.

Yahoo For Me

2007-07-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to make the announcemet, that as of July 27th, 2007, Chuckdaddy has officially renewed his car's registration. All it took to motivate me was 2 parking tickets and being pulled over twice (both times I got warnings, suckers). But after a historic Friday DMV to DEQ to DMV trek, my plates that expired in November are now free and legal.

The Home Run Chase Sucks

2007-07-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

I too am going to join the crowd of saying it really is bad to see Barry Bonds about to break Hank Aaron's record and I don't really see 2 sides to the issue. Here is my reaction to a few common defences:

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

This is normally a statement I endorse, but Selig's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy to steroids has made people dependent on speculation. And you don 't have to speculate very much when a guy grows 2 hat sizes during his 30s.

But Pitchers Could Use Them Too

Yes, but they obviously didn't do as much good. Maris's 37-year record was broken 6 times in 4 years. I don't remember any pitching records being broken during that time.

Barry Bonds Was on the Hall of Fame Path Anyway

Yes, and that's why taking steroids took him to a ridiculous level. Kind of like if Superman started roiding. And if he'd have maintained his pre-roid pace, he'd be at about 650 homeruns, not 750.

It's Just Statistics

Records matter in MLB, or at least they used to. Baseball is obsessed w/ numbers, particularly career ones. And although there is some ridiculousness to this (different-sized ball parks, expansion...) the only factor that has made numbers literally uncomparable was the steroid epidemic. And for the sole reason of steroids, numbers may never again hold the same importance.

On a funnier note, here is Chris Rock's take on why Babe Ruth's homeruns should be discounted as well.

Bob Costas: Is race irrelevant?

Chris Rock: Ty Cobb's numbers are bullshit and Babe Ruth's numbers are bullshit.
Bob Costas: Because of segregation –

Chris Rock: Because they didn't play against black players. It's like saying I won the New York City Marathon but no Kenyans ran that year. Babe Ruth has 714 Affirmative Action home runs.

Bumper Stickers

2007-07-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

I normally kind of hate bumper sticker. But I've seen 2 pretty funny ones recently.

1. Blame Canada

And my favorite

2. If ignnorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

How about you guys? Any favorite bumper stickers?

Overthrow #7 : Iran

2007-07-23T15:04:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, in with the Cold War and unfortunately for any nationalistic country intent on getting fair profits from their natural resources- enter C.I.A.

Background

The British were full-on exploiting the Iranians for their oil, only giving them (at most) 16% of the profits from their oil (nearbye Middle Eastern countries had deals giving them 50% w/ the Americans). Mossadegh was elected in 1951 and pursued two main ideals: (1) nationalizing their oil and (2) promoting democracy. Time magazine described him as the "Iranian George Washington". Unfortunately, both of his ideals went over very badly w/ the British and their monarch, Mohammed Reza Shah whose power was becoming increasingly ornamental.

The Take Over

First the British went for it. They tried to get rid of Mossadegh by blockading ports and attempting their own coup. After these failed, and their embassy was kicked out, Britain went to the Americans for help. Eisenhower had just been elected, and after some convincing (Britain played the Communist card even though Mossadegh disliked that ideology), the US embarked on its first covert C.I.A. overthrow.

The details here are very disturbing. The C.I.A. wanted to destabilize Iran, but this was extremely tricky since Mossadegh was very popular. To do it, they bribed Congressmen, religious leaders, and journalists to say and write negative things about Mossadegh. When that failed to do the trick, the C.I.A. paid off 2 Iranian operatives who had relations w/ street gangs to start riots around the city. In the middle of this C.I.A. induced chaos, the US's new selected leader (General du jour Zahedi) announced on Radio Tehran that he was the new leader. Soon after, Mossadegh resigned and went into house arrest.

Aftermath

The immediate ill effects, was the Shah taking charge and all pretenses to democracy being thrown away. Also, the US now had their foot in the door into the oil profits (20%). All of this, for obvious reason, embittered much of the public to the US and led to the 1979 Iranian revolution. Additionally, even though it is doubtful Carter would have tried to overthrow the new government, many Iranian feared they would which led to the hostage crisis. Today, we are still known as, "The Great Satan" in Iran and have horrible relations w/ them.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Iran

2. Nicaragua

3. Honduras

4. The Philippines

5. Cuba

6. Hawaii

7. Puerto Rico

I'm putting Iran right on top. Like we saw in Cuba and Nicaragua, our success in getting rid of a Democratic leader resulted in a backlash government that was every Conservatives worst nightmare, in this case the religious fundamentalists that still rule Iran. Whether or not Iran would've remained a democracy is a hypothetical, but it cannot be argued that the US directly caused them not to be. That US attempts to import democracy to the Middle East today is met w/ cynicism, is hardly surprising. Additionally, this overthrow led to destabilization and anti-Americanism in the entire region. Not to mention today's problems with an Anti-Semitic American Hating President intent on gettin the bomb.

Great Song Lines

2007-07-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

Thought we could all just compile some great lines from songs. I'll place them in order based on greatness. Here are 4 of my favorites.

1. "Well, I woke up Sunday morning. With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt. And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had one more for dessert." Johnny Cash - Sunday Morning Coming Down

2. "I'd pour me a drink, but I'd only be sorry. 'Cause drinking doubles alone, don't make it a par-arty." Barba Mandell - Sleeping Single in a Double Be

3. "Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless. Feels like a midget is hangin from my necklace." Ludacris- Stand Up

4, "Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed. With the echo from the amplifiers ringing in your head. You smoke the days last cigarette, remembering what she said." Bob Seger - Turn The Page

Iron Cage Match: Hippies versus Hipsters

2007-07-17T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I've been so obsessed w/ hippies lately. Perhaps b/c they are starting to feel like a dying breed in my beloved Portland. And who is replacing them you ask? Yes, the hipsters. So riders, what I'm curious about, is whom would you prefer your city dominated by: hippies or hipsters?

Advantages to Hippies

Travel more

More liberal

More open-minded

Friendlier

Advantages to Hipsters

Funnier

Better dressers

Smell Better

More realistic

Less likely to try to get you to sign their petition

In the end though, I think I'm going to have to go w/ hippies since pretty much everything I like about Portland has more to do w/ them (community oriented, knee-jerk liberals, mellow). But who do you guys seeing winning this iron cage match?

Hippies: 3 1/2

Hipsters: 1 1/2

Overthrow #6: Honduras

2007-07-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

Beware of Sam The Banana Man...

All right, today's post and this week's in general will be pretty weak. That's b/c I'll actually be being pretty useful. The wife's uncle is in town, and he is like a hyperactive saint who retired early from being an ER doc and now is in a constant state of productivity. For the last 2 years, he will just come to town and work on our house, and I'm kind of his assistant. So... while we're finishing the upstairs, I might just not find time to pointlessly blog. Perhaps while he's on his morning bike rides or deconstructing his daily Sudoku puzzles I can sneak in an entry, but prospects seem doubtful.

But I did want to stay on top of the Overthrows. This week's will be a little different. Since I think my book is upstairs w/ grandma (she's here too) and I want to write it fast, I'm just gonna try to do it from memory. So it won't be the most... accurate, but it will at least be to the point. Maybe later this week I'll go back and polish it up.

Anyways, Honduras... Honduras is going to be very similar to Nicaragua. It's the year after Zelaya's take down (1910) and his friend Davila is in charge and faced w/ a difficult decision. Davila has taken taken loans from European banks and the US is pressuring him to pay it off with their loan and give up their customs receipts.

And then Sam the Banana Man gets involved. Sam, a US businessman, is slowly but surely taking over much of Honduras's land for its bananas. He doesn't like Davila, b/c Davila wants him to pay taxes and build the railroads he promised to build (other than the ones that go directly from his banana plantation to the ports). Also, Davila is considering restricting foreign ownership of land.

After Zelaya goes down, Sam decides this would be perfect time to rid Honduras of its democratically elected leader and picks a mercenaary to lead his war and an ex-general (it's always a general), Bonnila, to be the next president. And here is where I should be referencing the book b/c it gets complicated. Basically though, Sam's men will take over Honduras and the US will sort of help him. They never act directly, but once it gets going they'll bring their boats around and declare areas "neutral zones" so Honduras can't defend itself. It appears that although the US did not initiate this overthrow, they saw its benefits and wanted to make sure it succeeded. So, soon enough, Davila is out, and Sam the Banana Man's Man Bonilla is in. Bonilla will, unsurprisingly, be very pro-US-banana and make decisions accordingly. Including, insultingly, giving Sam like $500,000 (this is from memory, beware) to refund him for the costs of raising the revolution.

The aftermath will have Honduras being more or less a US protectorate with occasional suppressed rebellions (If it got really bad the US Marines would help out). And then in 1958 (I think) parliament will start pushing for some reform (they'll be able to start b/c the banana men have moved on) only to have a military coup replace them for 15 years. Oh, and Sam the Banana Man? He will go on to found United Fruit, which will cause even more trouble in Latin America.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)
1. Nicaragua
2. Honduras
3. The Philippines
4. Cuba
5. Hawaii
6. Puerto Rico

Tough call. I'd say Honduras is definitely not as bad as Nicaragua, considering the lack of civil wars and that it was initiated by a businessman and not the government. And the takeover was much less brutal than the Philippines... Still, that they actually had an established democratic government and that we reduced it to, more-or-less, protectorate status against their will makes me place it #2.

Technical Difficulties

2007-07-12T16:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, watch out for the Trojan virus. Yesterday, I managed to accidentally download it and the result was my computer constantly telling me to download spyware and telling me the Trojan virus was going to steal my passwords (And I thought Trojans were supposed to portect you from viruses). Getting it fixed probably took me 4 hours. And maybe you have 4 hours free to deal w/ computer issues, but I'll tell you, the Chuckdaddy has people to see and places to be (okay fine I don't).

What made the situation even weirder, was every technical person I talked to was in India, which I guess I had heard about, but I didn't realize literally everyone would be. And even though I consider myself a multicultural-loving-open-to-globalization kind of guy, it certainly made the process even more frustrating to be getting technical computer questions answered by a someone who speaks English as a second language. In the end, I did this crazy thing where I gave the guy remote control of my computer and I got to watch as he whizzed the arrow around fixing things.

I guess technological things like this (a guy from India controlling my computer) should no longer be interesting, but I was fairly wowed by the whole thing (when I wasn't swearing at how long it was taking). Anyway, what about you guys. Anybody have a worse virus story to scare the rest of us with?

Blue Bunny?

2007-07-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

So I'm at Plaid Pantry the other night, going to score some of my favorite nighttime snacks (beer and ice cream). And, not only have they taken out all of the Ben + Jerry's and Haagen Daz, but they've replaced it w/ an ice cream brand called Blue Bunny.

This disturbs me on many levels. The ice cream wasn't bad, but being not bad and competing w/ Ben and Jerry's are 2 very different matters. Additionally, am I the only one creeped out by the name Blue Bunny? First off, no one wants to think of blue when eating, it's just not appetizing. Secondly, bunnies? I guess there's the Easter candy connection, but it just makes me think of fur, which again is not appetizing. Thirdly, is it just me, or does Blue Bunny sound sexually deviant. Like, "Oh I heard she gives Blue Bunnies." And I realize sex sells, but do Blue Bunnies? I don't think so.

I am even going to go out on a limb and suggest that Blue Bunny might just be the worst brand name ever. Can anyone think of anything worse? Or are you all so satiated by the Blue Bunny you got last night that you think it's a fine brand name.

Overthrow #5: Nicaragua

2007-07-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

Alright, OVERTHROW MONDAY. YEAHHH!!!!

This week's focus is on Nicaragua, and I I'll try to make it shorter than last week's (kids today and their attention spans...). This one sets a precedent we'll use over and over again- a popular leader's nationalism threatens our economic interests so we fund, equip, and pick somebody from their country to lead a revolt that we pretend we're only peripherally connected to. But the details...

The Inciting Incident

Zelaya came to power in 1893, and was a pretty great leader. He focused both on improving the infrastructure (building schools, paving streets, adding railways) and on being business friendly. He was considered the strongest leader in Central America and even preached uniting the whole area into 1 state. Nicaragua appeared to have a pretty decent future.

But if you fuck w/ the bull... A few things happened that would lead to Zelaya's demise. First of all, Nicaragua lost the major canal to Panama (an interesting story in it own right) and now the US did not have to make nice w/ him. Secondly, he got in a tiff w/ a Boston lumber merchant. Zelaya had let him cut down the forests in exchange for a rail line and a promise that 2 trees would be planted for every 1 cut down. The Bostonian did neither. This alone (him messing w/ an American businessman) may have gotten Zelaya tossed, but he actually agreed to the lumber merchants demands and paid him off.

Problem averted, at least for a moment, but then Zelaya had the nerve, the audacity, to get a loan from Europe to help fund a coast-to-coast railroad. Didn't he know he was only supposed to borrow from American banks? Oops. Soon, Knox (the secretary of state, who had mining interests in Nicaragua), started a negative PR campaign against Zelaya which peaked w/ President Taft asserting that the US would not, "tolerate and deal with such a medieval tyrant."

The Take Over

There were sort of 2 takeovers. First, they found a Nicaraguan governor, General Estrada, angling for power. Then American companies started sending him money. Soon he had a militia and started his American-backed revolution. Still, the march to Managua was not as easy as hoped and Zelaya quickly began crushing it. But Zelaya then made a fatal error (I guess, although his fate seemed to be already sealed). 2 Americans fighting for Estrada were caught laying mines for the "rebels" and were killed by firing squad. This resulted in Knox (the Secretary of State) writing a letter demanding Zelaya's abdication. Zelaya saw no way out against the powerful US and after some attempts to appease us, stepped down in December 1909.

The new guy, a Liberal Jurist named Jose Madriz, would be overthrown immediately in a really weird military operation. Basically, Madriz sent men to fight the "rebels" and the Marines showed up. But instead of the Marines actually firing, they told the Nicaraguan army they couldn't shoot b/c it endangered Americans (themselves). Even worse, the Americans said the "rebels" could shoot b/c they were firing in the opposite direction. Talk about tacit! Here's a quote from the US major in charge, Smedley Butler: "We sent an American beachcomber on ahead to Rama to be sure there would be another American life to protect, and then reenacted the farce at Bluefields. We forbade shooting by the government forces, and they finally melted away, convinced of the hopelessness of opposing the revolutionists backed by the Marines. The revolution ended then and there."

The Aftermath

The aftermath is the only part of Nicaraguan history we ever hear about. And it's always just made me think that Nicaragua was a pretty fucked up country. I had no idea we started the chaos. Let's see, quick version... The new presidents will do whatever the US says and by 1912 Americans will control Nicaragua's customs, national bank, steamships, and railways.

This will result in endless revolts by unhappy Nicaraguans. Benjamin Zeledon will die fighting the Marines in 1912. And his cause will be continued by Augosto Sandino, whose guerrilla warfare will result in a 1933 victory, when Hoover had enough and brought the Marines home. He'll be assassinated immediately though, it being set up by a Nicaraguan in the American created National Guard named General Somoza, who will later be assassinated (1956). The new revolutionaries called themselves the Sandinistas (named after Sandino) and they will eventually seize power in 1979, only to have to deal with the US funded Contras (remember the Iran-Contra Affair?). The war will end in 1988 and the Sandinistas will be voted out in 1990. Today, Nicaragua is peaceful. And even though they reelected recently an ex-Sandinista, they seem to have moved on from their century long struggle between US supported generals and revolutionaries.

Ranking (Worst to Least Worst)

1. Nicaragua

I'm going to put Nicaragua right up at the top. Zelaya may not have been perfect (he gained power through a coup, sent troops into other Central American countries), but he was reelected twice and did some great things for Nicaragua. And he wasn't a radical. He was pro-business and made no attempts (that I know of) to get rid of decent American businesses. This was a leader we should have supported. And that we overthrew him b/c he was looking for loans outside of us? The nerve. What additionally makes me place Nicaragua at the top is the century of civil wars that followed our intervention. Nicaragua's woes can definitely by laid on our doorstep.

I've also decided to swap Cuba and The Philippines b/c of the utter brutality of our suppression in The Philippines and b/c I think Cuba is pretty freakin' cool when I think about it. Well, looks like it got long again. Whatevah. If I haven't bored you to tears yet, tune in next week when we take down Honduras.

Types of Hippies

2007-07-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

This week, I've had lunch at 2 different Portland establishments, The Lonely Planet and It's a Beautiful Pizza. Both are very hippyish, but as I sat down in Lonely Planet I couldn't help but notice it was giving off a totally different hippie atmosphere. Below is my attempt to detail some of the different types of hippies in Portland.

Old School Hippie
This is the It's a Beautiful Pizza type. Tends to have pony tails, still loves everything 60's, and likes to play guitar on their porches. Very nice, if at times in a fake kind of vacant way. One should steer conversations to travel, which they tend to have done a lot of.

Edgy Hippie
This is the vibe I get at Lonely Planet. Still based in the 60's, but more of that weird but a little bit scary side of an acid trip. Robert Crumb would be their be patron saint. Tend to be more interesting then Old School Hippies, but at times act as if they were the first to think of something.

Evil Hippie
Boooo. I hate evil hippies. They never create one group, instead they infiltrate other hippie groups. They have all the accouterments and even talk about the same things, but they either get competitive and try to outhippie you or just give off I hate you vibes. Tend to be the drug dealers of their group.

Burning Man Hippie
Sort of a hippie 2.0 for the 21st century. At first they don't seem like hippies, since they like modern music and definitely would never sport a pony tail But once you get into a conversation about Burning Man it all becomes clear. "It's all about community." "We set up a giant maze and when you reached the end there's an ice cream station." "It's kind of tribal."

Subtle Hippie
This probably describes 70% of Portland. President elections represent a choice between Nader and the Democrat. They shop at Fred Meyers, but get their meat at New Seasons. They bike when they can and either own (or are planning) to get a hybrid.

Between attending Lewis and Clark College and living in Southeast Portland for ten years, my knowledge is pretty extensive. But did I miss any?

Fashion Issue: Suit and Sandals

2007-07-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

So I was at a wedding last weekend, very low key, but people were still dressed up. And one guy is wearing nice pants, a matching suit, a subtle tie, and then sandals. And this really bothered me. Here are the arguments in his favor.

1. It was a self described Bohemian wedding, which was in a backyard.

2. This was in Portland, renowned for being informal.

3. Okay, the strongest reason. It was at his house and as my wife, who didn't even notice him, said, "Then he can do whatever the fuck he wants."

But even with all those taken into account, it still bothered me. For me, I could care less if he wasn't formal enough. Actually, one of my favorite Portland wedding outfits are the ones thrown together by people who obviously never dress up (Jeans and a suit or certain parts are way too small). But this guy was going for something different. I saw it as more of an immature sticking it to the man- a kind of even-when-I'm-dressed-up-I'm-so-mellow look. Or even worse, a you-can't-box-me-into-your-capitalist-outfits-dude front.

Truly, if he'd worn something extremely eccentric or been totally under dressed, I wouldn't have cared. To each their own. But he was being purposeful. And I know if I asked him about it he would've said something like, "I just find shoes so uncomfortable." Then why are you wearing a tie dumb ass?

But what do you guys think. Am I going too far? We know suits and sandals are a fashion no no, but is it fashion heresy as well?

Download 2 Songs or Buy the Album?

2007-07-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

Over the last month I've bought 3 albums, and with each one I wondered if buying the whole album was necessary. What do the Xpress riders think?

Amy Winehouse's Back to Black
Should I have just downloaded 2 songs? Probably
I think I'm about 7 months late on this album, but, nevertheless, I do think the first 2 songs on her CD are great. A song about going to rehab? Hilarious. But I start to get tired of it after that. It starts to feel less like a new take on 60's soul and just to be retread 60's soul. And it also sort of bothers me that she's white. It's stupid, but I think if she black it would seem more like she was going back to her roots. Somehow her being British makes it a little better.

The White Stripes' Icky Thump
Should I have just downloaded 2 songs? Definitely
Although I'm not sure which 2 songs. I've always felt very strongly about the White Stripes. The songs I like of theirs I love, but I've never felt like 1 album works all the way through. There always ends up being a few derivative overly heavy guitar tunes that force me to skip ahead. Get Behind Me Satan was my favorite, so I had high hopes for their new one. In the end though, I think this might be one of their weakest albums. The songs feel randomly put together, and even the main hit, Icky Thump is starting to get on my nerves. I wouldn't say I regret downloading the whole CD, but I probably would've been better off picking and choosing just a couple.

Peter, Bjorn, and John's Writer's Block

Should I have just downloaded 2 songs? Probably not
Granted, my 2 favorite songs on this CD are Young Folks and Amsterdam, but I think it's good enough throughout to warrant owning the whole shebang. I have to admit, at times they can be a little bit too Indie Rock whiny for me, but usually I have it on in the background and am just enjoying it.

Oh, and I just bought a CD which I definitely like the whole thing: Feist's The Reminder. Very good.

Overthrows #2, #3, and #4: Cuba, Puerto Rico, and The Phillipines

2007-07-02T09:59:00.001-07:00

Most weeks I'll still keep to 1 overthrow of a foreign government by the US, but since these all happened during the Spanish-American War, I thought it made sense to do all 3 (plus they were all in the same chapter of the book I'm pilfering: Steve Kinzer's Overthrow)

Spanish American War

People who say the US has never been an imperialist nation aren't just failing to notice our many tacit takeovers, they are completely ignoring the Spanish American War of 1898. Why did we go to battle with Spain? Were we whipped into nationalistic frenzy by William Hearst's yellow journalism? Were we picking on a declining powerhouse (Spain)? Was it our natural next progression after Manifest Destinying to the end of our continent? Could it be that our ever-expanding industry needed more countries to sell our products to? Or, maybe it was just about the USS Maine (REMEMBER IT- DAMN IT!).

Regardless, after the USS Maine, who was just innocently sitting in Havana's harbor btw, was attacked all these factors combined into a war with Spain. Now, some conspiracy theorists claim we blew up the US Maine ourselves, to give us a reason to attack. There is some logic (Spain didn't appear to want a fight) and precedent (The Mexican War) for this, although it did result in 250+ US soldiers dying. Anyway, despite Spain suing for peace throughout, we kicked their asses from the Caribbean to Manila Bay and received, for our efforts, 3 prizes: Cuba, Puerto Rico, and The Philippines.

Cuba

In 1898 Cuba was at the end of its own war w/ Spain. They had been fighting for independence on + off since 1868. Still, victory was very close and they had no interest in US help. But that didn't stop us. Even though the US didn't like Spain controlling Cuba, business leaders were even more worried that an independent Cuba would redistribute land, and with it the $50 million they had invested.

Congress decided that Cuba needed us and we were going to give it to them whether they liked it or not. Many in Congress, presciently, were concerned we'd step in and take over. So they only agreed to McKinley's war resolution after adding the Teller Amendment, which said: "The United States hereby disclaims any disposition or intention to exercise sovereignty, jurisdiction, or control over said island except for pacification thereof, and asserts the its determination, when that is accomplished, to leave the government and control of the island to its people."

Nevertheless, we arrived at the 12th hour, blew up a few Spanish warships, and won a battle where Teddy charged up a hill. After Spain abdicated, the US passed the Platt Agreement, which gave us military bases, the ability to veto Cuban treaties and, "the right to intervene for the preservation of Cuban independence." The Cuban delegates were forced to decide between starting a new war with the US or allowing their semi-independence. By a vote of 15-14 they accepted the US's agreements.

Puerto Rico

Spain had just granted Puerto Rico considerable autonomy and they were just hoping we would let them be. No such luck. On May 12th 7 US warships showed up outside of San Juan, battled for 3 1/2 hours, and set up a blockade. After the war was over, at the peace conference in Paris, Spain tried to hold onto Puerto Rico, but to no avail. Soon, the US controlled, "You lovely Island," Puerto Rico.

The Philippines

Adding The Philippines was almost random. Basically, after kicking Spanish tail in the Manila Bay, we had a choice, just set-up an army base there or take control of the entire archipelago. After, supposedly, praying, McKinley came to the decision that we should take over all 7,000 islands to "Christianize" them. Besides being culturally egotistical, this also showed how ignorant McKinley was about the new country, they were already almost entirely Christan (Catholics). Another reason to take them over, probably the primary one, was the closeness to China, and the potential for selling goods to that most mass of mass markets. As McKinley said to Congress, "We could not turn (The Philippines) over to France or Germany, our commercial rivals in the Orient. That would be bad business and discreditable."

What the US also didn't know about The Philippines was the degree to which they wanted independence. A brutal guerrilla campaign for independence was already underway against the Spanish and would quicky switch to their new oppressors. In the 3 year campaign 4,000+ US soldiers, 16,000+ guerrilla, and at least 20,000 civilians were killed. In 1902 Teddy Roosevelt considered The Philippines finally pacified.

Aftermath

The Republic of Cuba was born in 1902, and with it sporadic uprisings and attacks on US property. In the 30's, these protests got so big that FDR encouraged the Cuban army to coup. The replacement, a seargant named Batista, would be awful (what a surprise!). He crushed dissent, invited US mafia in to make Havana Las Vegas Caribbean ("The hottest spot north of Havana"), and would cancel the elections of 1952. Ironically, Fidel Castro was going to run in these. But Fidel will get to be president, the old fashioned way. In 1959, with his rebel army triumphant, he marched into Santiago and made his first speech, "This time the revolution will not be frustrated! This time, fortunately for Cuba, the revolution will achieve its true objective. It will not be like in 1898 when the Americans came and made themselves masters of the country." Castro, of course as you know, still (well more or less) rules today.

In Puerto Rico's aftermath, the US made them less autonomous than they were under Spain. Also our corporations will come in to take the best land and convert most of the island to sugar plantations. The Puerto Ricans will become gradually poorer, their unemployment rate increasing from 17% pre-US to 30% in 1925. At this time 1/3 were illiterate and their life expectancy was 46. Starting in the 60's, the US will grant Puerto Rico more control and it has become increasingly stronger economically. Currently, its status is in limbo between statehood and territory.

The Philippines will be granted independence in 1946, although 2 US military bases will remain. This will become a problem when Marcos is elected and then won't leave. We will continue to monetarily support him (we don't want to lose our bases) while he closed Congress, jailed the opposition, and enriched himself and his shoe crazy wife. Our bases and Marcos are gone now, but many locals there still blame us for their country's current poverty.

Ranking (worst to least worst)

1. Cuba

2. The Philippines

3. Hawaii

4. Puerto Rico

1 + 2 and 3+ 4 are close for me. I believe Hawaii is a richer state, but Puerto Rico might actually be lucky for their quasi status. We won't ever let them fully bottom out and they can steadily immigrate here if they want. On the other hand, they've managed to keep their traditions much more so than the native Hawaiians. With Cuba and The Philippines I can really see either way. The Philippines campaign was horiffic. But what bumps Cuba to the top for me is 2 things, (1) The utter lameness of us sweeping in after they were just about to get victory after 30+ years of fighting. And that we had the nerve to claim we should get credit for helping them? Shameful. (2) As much as I think Cuba is cool, the place is impoverished (A favorite Cuban joke: "The 3 successes of the revolution- sports, health care, and education. The 3 failures- breakfast, lunch, and dinner.") and have more or less no free speech. And I don't think a Castro exists other than a backlash to our overthrow.

But don't worry, we'll have plenty of other competitors for worst overthrow, starting next week with Nicaragua!

Update On Summer Goals

2007-06-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

After one week, I'm sure everyone is dying to know how I'm doing on my goals. Well no reason to worry b/c it's update time.

1. Cooking Staples

Being home puts me in charge of cooking, and I've gone for more traditional choices this summer than last. Thus far I've cooked Breaded Tilapia (which I'd never heard of before) w/ Sweet n' Sour Collards and Lasagna. I probably couldn't have made more mistakes w/ the Collards, (Carmelized onions? No check. Cooked Rice? No check. Cooked to tenderness? Not sure.) but it didn't matter after I poured vinegar on it. Everything tastes better w/ vinegar. The lasagna was particularly easy and I think a good choice for me. I just get to follow directions and there's major room for sloppiness. There's no me having to determine if an ingredient is salted to taste. Just layer layer layer and cook for a 1/2 hour. I see much lasagna in our future.

2. Car Registration

Yuck! The bane of my existence. I actually did take a first step here and called the DMV. But they were totally unsupportive. Instead of nurturing and helping me along w/ an area I so obviously struggle with (anything to do w/ paperwork) her response was to say, with mean surprise, "Your registration ran out in November?" And then, even worse, she informed me that b/c of this I would have to get some temporary thing filled out b4 even going to the DEQ. To me this is like charging people who's house down payments aren't enough an extra fee. We're having enough trouble here, make it easier not harder. I was so traumatized, I decided to put it off until next week...

5. Putting Together a Basketball Hoop

I actually gave this a second effort and was doing OK (step 6 out of 34) until I realized I really did need a second person (This hit me as I was trying to balance a ten foot pool while sticking a rod through its base). So today is a big day for this. Wife's mom is in town and willing to help (sucker). We tried to work on it yesterday, but were thwarted by rain. Will today bring home success?

6. Finding the Moth's Lair

I've killed more, but their lair is yet to be unearthed. I may have to take my sister's advice and just throw out any and all possibilities.

***New Goal****

8. Blogging Less and Accomplishing More Goals

The NBA Draft Is in 2 Hours!

2007-06-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

I know everyone could give 2 shits (sorry, just trying to maintain my "NC-17" rating) that the NBA draft is today. And I promise not to cry when I see that I have zero comments for this entry. But people really should care. Here are 3 reasons why:

1. Oden versus Durant

Portland's decision at #1 really is an interesting one, and gets more confusing the more you look at it. Do they go with Bull Russel Redux (Oden) or the 6-10 Michael Jordan (Durant)? Well you always go with the center. Or do you in today's faster-paced smaller NBA? Still, look at what Oden did in college with one wrist. On the other hand, what if the wrist never heals? Well, you can't skip on Oden, he's lost like 17 games total in his life. He's the definition of a winner. But Oden wasn't even the best guy on that team, Conley was. And so it goes on and on...

2. Monster Trades

I can't remember a time when bigger names were bandied about before draft day: Garnett, Stoudemire, Marion, Jermaine O'Neil, Kobe, Ray Allen... And there is motivation for them to be traded during the draft, that way the team does get to pick who they want with the draft pick they traded for. Expect at least 1 big name to switch teams tonight (Most likely Garnett to Phoenix).

3. Deeper Draft

Many consider this the deepest draft in the last 10 years, and I don't think people are just saying that. Even better, since high school players can't enter, everyone has some track record you can look back on. So if you're a college fan, this should be the most recognizable draft in years.

Blog Rating

2007-06-27T11:35:00.001-07:00

Following in the footsteps of Jenny! and Michael5000, I decided to see what my blog was rated. And I have to admit, as I waited for it to compute, I actually felt a little worried that I'd get some pussy ass little bitch rating like "G" or the wanna be gangsta but afraid to say "fuck" "PG-13". Fortunately, I made it up to the sexually explicit, but not hardcore, "NC-17". Below, is a list of why:

poop (6x)
shit (5x)
crack (4x)
prick (3x)
sex (2x)
pissed (1x)

I am embarrassed to say, after looking over that list, that those seem a little "PG-13". "Pissed"? "Prick"? And, forgetting the rating system for a second, why did I mention "poop" 6 times? I seem to have the potty mouth of a 9-year old.

But hey, I'm not the expert. I will put my full trust into the rating system and even try to write by it. So I'll continue to swear while discussing sex, drugs, and poop, but I promise it'll always be a for a higher artistic purpose.

This Week on Snax!

2007-06-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

3 Greatest Snacks Ever

In no particular order...

Cheese and Crackers
I had sort of forgotten this oldie but goodie, but it really is hard to beat. Particularly, if your cracker is a Garden Herb flavored Triscuit. I swear, if you've never tried the Garden Herb, run to your local store now, you'll never think of artificial flavors the same way again.

Chips and Salsa
Again, nothing fancy, but delicious, nevertheless. Personally, I don't think the type of chip matters so much (as long as they have ample salt), but the salsa is a key choice. And my #1 salsa is, without a doubt, Emerald Valley's Organic Salsa. Now, I'm not someone who can usually tell the difference between regular items and organic items (which is not to doubt people who do, I just don't have the most discerning of taste buds), but this salsa really stands heads and shoulder above all others I've ever tried. My #2 salsa is La Victoria, which you can get in gargantuan size.

Tim's Jalapeno Chips
In the chip category, there really are no challengers. Kettle's Beer Cheddar may come the closest, but they really still remain in different ball parks. If you desire salty spicy goodness, there's really no reason to try any other.

Overthrow Monday: Hawaii

2007-06-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

In terms of my blog, I have one goal for the summer. Last summer I read Stephen Kinzer's Overthrow, in which he details the 14 regimes the US overthrew- starting w/ Hawaii and ending with Iraq. I found this book interesting, pertinent, and disturbing. But it was bothering me that even though I'd read it, I was still always getting different invasions mixed up or forgetting certain ones (Was it Iran or Guatemala that the CIA made a fake civil war for? Why were we even in Grenada?).

So, I thought it would be neat to focus on one invasion a week. Not only would this give me a chance to review, but now if I ever needed a refresher on how we took down Chile, I could just look it up on my blog. My plan is to do this on Monday, the serious day of the week. An additional goal, is to rank each overthrow in terms of which was the worst, eventually trying to see where Iraq ranks. My criteria for badness will be (A) how good the government was that we overthrew, (B) the aftermath, and (C) how many deaths took place in the takeover. Without further ado, let's get to the US's first overthrow- HAWAII

A Little History

White people had started coming since Captain Cook arrived in 1778. And although he eventually was cut into little bits and roasted by the locals, he and his shipmates left a litany of diseases that would decimate much of the native population. In the 1800's more whites would move to the islands. The first were missionaries, particularly motivated by the Hawaiians' heathen habits of walking around naked and participating in polygamy.

The missionaries' children would change their focus from souls to money and would begin converting most of the land to sugar plantations. Since the natives and whites had no interest in working on these, Japanese and Chinese came to Hawaii as workers. This was also when talk of having the US annex Hawaii began. The sugar barons wanted Hawaii treated like a US territory so they could avoid sugar tariffs. The US government didn't want to go that far, but in 1876 did sign a reciprocity agreement in which Hawaiian sugar would be tariff-free in exchange for putting military bases on Hawaii (eventually Pearl Harbor). This will cause sugar exports to the US to increase exponentially (from 21 million in 1876 to 225 million in 1890).

The Inciting Incident

Hawaii had various kings throughout this time, but they all were pretty much puppets for the US-born sugar barons. This changed when King Kalakaua died in 1891 and his bad ass sister Queen Liliuokalani took over. Liliuokalani was extremely angry about what she saw happening to Hawaii. So in 1893 she created a new Constitution that allowed only Hawaiian citizens the right to vote, in an attempt to take control away from all foreigners.

The Takeover

After Liliuokalani's constitution , the local annexers went into plot mode. What the annexers had against them was that the locals obviously loved Liliuokalani. For them, they had the tacit support of the US government and, oh yah, a little military base nearby. Ever hear of Peal Harbor? Once Liliuokalani heard about the planned overthrow, she back pedaled (she put the Consitution on hold and her "advisors" said she would never bring it up again), but it was too late for that. The annexers were smelling blood. Soon after, troops from a warship in Pearl Harbor landed in Honolulu. 162 marines and soldiers marched through the city and set up camp next to the Government Building. The next day they declared a new government and forced the Queen to abdicate. And guess who became the new president? That's right, Sam Dole, just who the Hawaiians would've elected I'm sure.

Aftermath

Hawaii will be officially annexed in 1898 and won't become a state until 1959. It'll be treated like a US territory from the day of the rebellion onwards.

How Bad Was It?

1. Hawaii

Well, since Hawaii's first, it obviously gets ranked #1. Still, let's assess. In terms of the takeover itself, at least no one died. And, in terms of the future of Hawaii, you could also argue things didn't end up so bad. Hawaii does get a lot of the bonuses by being part of the US and would most likely be significantly poorer if left alone. Of course, I'm not sure the locals would feel this way and I'm not sure how things are there for them. Judging from Dog The Bounty Hunter, most of the population is hopped up on ice, but I'm not sure that show is the best authority.

Where this overthrow feels bad is just the utter hypocrisy of the land of the free being against a woman who is pushing for more democracy. Even worse, the US rationalized it by calling her "treasonous" for changing the constitution. Of course, this won't be the first time we do this...

Summertime

2007-06-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

Ahhh.... Summer vacation is officially upon us. Or I guess I should say upon me (and Petrovich and The Gancer...). But alas, what to do with my plethora of free time? Here are a few summer goals.

1. Cooking Staples
I've decided not to continue cooking A-Z (last summer I wanted to cook a meal from every country in alphabetical order). Although I enjoyed blogging about it, I really didn't get very far (I didn't even make it to the "B's"). Also, I have this habit of going a bit overboard when it comes to cooking (like A-Z or Southern Food or...) and never really learning how to make a normal meal. And then when I don't have a ton of time, the only thing I can seem to remember is Mac + Cheese or spaghetti. So this summer I just want to get 5 staples down and spend my hard-earned leisure time on other things like...

2. Registration

As I've mentioned before, I really need to get my car reregistered. Hopefully, I can get around to that within in the next 2 months.

3. A Class

For the second half of the summer I'm going to take a Middle Eastern 1800 to present class. Which might have little to do with what I actually teach (US History 1493 - 1900), but at least after it, I might finally know the difference between Shi'ites and Sunnis.

4. An Awesome Lawn

Alright, feel free to poke fun Miguelito, but when you soon have a house you'll see the importance of edging. I mean, I don't plan to be a freak about it, but unless you want a freakin' carpet growing out over the sidewalk (which is what I often have), you have to edge a little. And it is a much harder skill than I anticipated. After an epiphany 2 months ago (where I realized the key was using both the whacker and the edger), my last time resulted in mass sparks and creating various incongruent edges. But I am up to the challenge!!!

5. A Basketball Hoop

Wife got me a street basketball hoop like two birthdays ago, and this truly was a great a present. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to put it together yet. I don't think the fault is solely mine. I might be pretty retarded when it comes to most household work, but I'm actually not bad when it comes to putting something together w/ directions. But the wife got me a crazy complicated one with a slam dunk rim. Last summer I spent one sad summer day with all 47 different pieces staring up at me from the driveway, awaiting my accomplishment of step 1. It didn't happen. I'm considering buying a cheaper easier one, putting it together, and making the other one disappear. Wife never needs to know...

6. Find Where the Moths Are Coming From
Readers of this blog might remember the disgusting episode in December when wife and I discovered all the pictures on our fridge had maggots behind them. Well, after some scrubbing and tossing, there are no mo maggots. But now there are moths (I feel there is a connection). And just about every time I open the cupboard at least one flies out. Always a bad sign. So one day this summer I'm going to scour the flour and all the other possible hang outs. It's going to be one of those missions in which success is not all that much fun (Yahoo! I found the moth breeding ground! How utterly nasty!!!)

7. Avoid Rush Hour
I've gotta tell you guys. Nothing bums out my summer vibe more than when I forget what time it is, and I find myself doing an errand when all you working folk are coming home. It's like I've been attacked by all the stress I'm trying to avoid.

Movies and a TV Show Review

2007-06-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

The Good Shepherd: B

I found this behind-the-CIA movie pretty good. The main downside for me was that it was so secretive I never really knew what was going on (I haven't been this confused since Syriana), but that didn't totally bother me. I still found it interesting.

Knocked Up: B+

The newest movie from the 40-Year Old Virgin director, this time focusing on a slacker who impregnates a girl way out of his league. Wife and I seemed to be the only two people who didn't find Virgin funny, so we had our reservations, but we both liked it. I do feel it's been overhyped, but still enjoyed it and definitely laughed out loud multiple times.

Sopranos Season 6+: B

******Spoiler Alert***********

I was really critical of this season at the beginning, but I thought it did come around- particularly the 2nd-to-last episode, which ranks as one of the best ever in my book. My hatred of AJ, and the show's bizarre decision to focus on him instead of killing him, still irked me, but he alone could not ruin the season. But about the finale's finale... I overall agree w/ the sentiment that any ending that makes you think your cable box broke, is, generally speaking, a bad idea. Still, I have appreciated the ensuing open-endedness. My favorite theory is that, in the last moment, we were watching Meadow enter from Tony's eyes, and everything went to black suddenly b/c he'd been shot (As he'd foreshadowed in his talk w/ Bobby in the premiere). I think if this is not the case, and Chase was just showing us that life went on, it would be a really bad choice to end it so drastically.

Portland Meiers Briggs' Type

2007-06-10T16:58:00.000-07:00

So, since I am a little obsessed w/ Meiers Briggs personality typing (I'm an ENTP if you were wondering), I've always liked the idea of trying to come up w/ one specific to a city. Below is my one for Portland. I've come up with 4 categories, and for each you determine whether you are low, medium, or high in it. My hope is that this could be used to classify all Portlanders.

Outdoorsiness

High: You Heart Kayaking

Medium: You camp about once a year and like to go on the occasional hike

Low: You don't understand why anyone would like to sleep on a rock

Hipsterness

High: You take your thrift store shopping, your music taste, and your cynicism very seriously
Medium: You do see the value of dive bars and Pabst
Low: You wear J Crew

Alcoholicism

High: You get drunk twice a week
Medium: You like to drink
Low: You might have a beer with a dinner, or a couple at a social occasion, but then you (inexplicably) just stop.

Intelectuality

High: You make references to New Yorker articles during dinner conversations
Medium: You like artsy movies and know what's going on in politics
Low: Your favorite TV channel is the WB

So what do people think? Any changes? What about the 4 categories for a different city?

History of American Beer Part 1

2007-06-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Last week I started a book called Ambitious Brew: The Story of American Beer by Maureen Ogle. Normally, one waits for the end of the book to share info, but there's a really good chance I won't finish it. Here are some things I have learned thus far...

Ales to Rum To Whiskey To German Lager

Our first beers were English ales, which makes sense, but it'll quickly lose its popularity. Just surviving was paramount in the Northeast, and those Puritans didn't really have the luxury to grow hops and brew beer. Additionally, in the warm South, the ales had a tendency to go bad, and people tended towards ciders and bourbon.

The Caribbean plantations w/ their excess sugar (and slave trade) will flood the colonies w/ rum. But although the American Revolution will rid us of those dastardly Lobster Backs, it'll also cause the price of molasses to soar and make rum more expensive. Fortunately, due to an abundance of back country farmers with an overabundance of grain, the Whiskey Age will take root.

At this point in our history, liquor is going to be getting a fairly bad rap, and some of the first temperance movements will begin, with 12 states banning alcohol by 1855. But thank god for the Germans and their lager. This is also the time of mass immigration and the Germans will come in mass bearing beer. Not only will they sell the beer to their peers, but the prohibitionists will prefer the less potent lager to the much more dangerous, whiskey. Add in mass industrialization and some of our biggest new businesses will be breweries, spreading the lovely liquid across the burgeoning country.

Why We Love Budweiser

Ogle starts the book by critiquing the common story of American beer, that all the craft breweries were taken out by Prohibition, leading to the Budweiserization of our current top sellers. And it appears she is right that not only is this an oversimplification, but is most probably dead wrong. Instead, the big beer companies will take over well before prohibition. Also, it appears that unfortunately people wanted watered down tasteless beer.

Although I think of lagers as light, these German lagers were much darker then say, a Miller. And the German brewers are going to soon find that the drinking public actually wants their beer light. When in 1876 Carl Conrad introduced his ripped-off version of the Czech Pilsner Budweis(called the Beer of Kings there) with Budweiser, it will become one of the country's top-sellers even though it will also be one of the most expensive. The other big companies will follow with their own light pilsners.

Why people want this lighter beer is hard to say. One theory is that the populace was getting more protein through eating more in general and more meat in particular. No longer did one require a liquid dinner, just a nice supplement to intoxication. Another theory was that the fast-paced American life style preferred a quick easy drink to a darker one more meant for savoring. Regardless, I found this depressing. Besides the obvious advantages already held by mass-marketed beer companies, the idea that this is what people actually want makes me realize the micro brew revolution will probably only go so far. But then again, what do I care, I live in Portland where the only people drinking Miller are hipsters trying to be ironic.

But that's it for now. Although my reading pace is slowing a little, the fact that the main character's are named Schlitz, Blatz, Pabst, and Anheuser helps. If I finish it, I'll do a second update.

This Week On Snax: Trader Joe's

2007-05-30T22:04:00.001-07:00

As a connoisseur (thank you spell check) of nothing other than chips and other between meals edibles, thought I'd give you all my thoughts on some snacks from Trader Joe's.

1. Chocolate-Covered Peanut butter-Filled Pretzels: A+
These things freakin' rock. I'm not sure there's a better snack out there right now. The salt, the sweet, the love. Go out and buy them now

2. Chocolate Peanut butter Cups: A
Not really different from Reese's, but still quite good. And there's something fun about having a pile of them in a clear container

3. Brownie Bites: B
Brownies are either heaven, or just good, and unfortunately, Trader Joe's brownies w/ chocolate chips are worth eating, but a little disappointing when one considers the infinite potential of the brownie.

That's it for This Week On Snax. Next week we'll look into the Fred Meyer's Bakery section!

BLAZERS WIN DRAFT LOTTERY!!!

2007-05-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

So I haven't blogged about basketball in a while (it finally dawned on me that writing blogs that no one read really was no different than just thinking it), but tonight's news was just too great. Because yes, for those Portlanders even moderately interested in the Blazers, we just won the #1 draft pick. What this means...

1. We get to pick between Kevin Durant + Greg Oden

Every expert and their second cousin have been saying this draft is all about the 2 top Freshman, 6'10" scoring freak Kevin Durant and the monster 7' footer Greg Oden. Scouts are describing this as a choice between Jordan + Hakeem, and the Blazers get to choose. Also, from what I've reading recently, an in-shape Oden w/ both wrists is looking like the definite #1, so Blazer fans should be very happy we have the first pick.

2. Against The Odds

So you might be thinking, big surprise, the Blazers suck, of course they get to draft first. But actually, although the Blazers weren't good this year, they weren't terrible and their chances of winning the lottery was right around 5%. Even better, they were already looking pretty promising, with an incredible draft last year (Rookie of the Year Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Sergio). Adding (probably) Oden means we're talking about a seriously talented young team.

3. Karma Is A Bitch

Milwaukie, Memphis, and Boston all pulled players at the end of the season in the hopes of landing Durant or Oden. And all of them had a much better chance at winning the lottery. But while those teams were tanking, the young Blazers were battling it out down the stretch. Yes, cheaters never prosper (unless it's the Spurs when they sat Robinson and got to start a dynasty w/ Duncan).

And my condolences to Craigeoke, whose Atlanta hawks came in 3rd in the superstar lottery. But things could be much much worse, considering they could've have had no lottery picks. Instead they now have two chances to draft an athletic swing man.

Things I'm Still Bitter About

2007-05-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

I think one of the reasons I am most happy about confronting the car who bumped me two months ago, is that if I hadn't I would probably still be bitter about it. You see, I am a pretty mellow guy, but if something gets in my craw... Sometimes I just can't let it go. Below are 3 situations that still make me angry

1. Dutch Magazine Guy

So I'm in Amsterdam, where anything goes, right? Wrong. I'm minding my own business in a bookstore reading a magazine and I've turned the page over. Nothing crazy. Just one page behind the other, and this Dutch prick store employee says (of course in perfect English), "If you're not going to buy anything, would you mind at least not creasing the pages."

What gets me even madder, is that now whenever I'm in a store reading magazines I think about this, consider that he might've been right, and am more careful. So being a prick worked! The only mild positive, is that I have at least fashioned the perfect I-should-have-done. In this scenario, I stroll up to the Dutch Prick Cashier, rip the magazine in half, then lay down the money for it saying, "Thanks for being an asshole."

2. Bridge ticket

Not as big of a deal, but still annoying. I blogged about this before, but the key thing is that the cop said the speed limit was 30 when it was actually 35. I was still speeding (43), but not by much. The thing that bothers me about it is I decided not to challenge it, since I was speeding anyways and would've had to take a sub day. But in the end, why the fuck didn't I? No self-respecting cop would've shown up for that proceeding. Also, my insurance took a hit.

3. Being Shushed

This still gets me angry. I was at a cafe that had different musicians performing (actually with Michael5000) and was in the front talking to the people I was with. 1 guy turns to me and says, super friendly, "Hey man, are you here for Virgil Shaw?"

I think we're about to bond on this so I reply, happily, "Yah, I am."

His response? "Well I'm here for the guy playing now so I'd appreciate if you'd stop talking."

Repeating it makes him sound not so bad, but I swear it was. First of all, the whole bait and switch friend/foe thing, then the connotation that I was out of line to be talking when this was a cafe. And the worst part about it was I had no way to go about reacting. If I continued talking, then I was pretty much immaturely rebelling, and had no chance to really enjoy the conversation. But if I didn't talk, then he'd won! Even worse, the shusher thanked me on his way out, which is when I should've clocked him.

I don't know, perhaps I'm alone on these. But are there seemingly trivial confrontations in your life that you obsess over changing? Please share...

Fashion Issue #5: Is Preppy Back?

2007-05-14T21:03:00.001-07:00

Has anyone else noticed that preppy is back? I went clothes shopping this weekend and saw everything from Izod's to rugby shirts to (confusingly) rumpled button-downs w/ the sleeves rolled up. I've even seen some of my students rockin' the Polo! So my question is, why is preppy coming back? Here are a few possible theories.

1. 80's is the current retro-decade-du-jour. First we heard it in the music, now it's in the clothes.
2. Thanks to Bush II's tax cuts, the income gap is growing to as big as it's been since, well, the Reagan era. People are dressing to be part of the upper class again.

3. A backlash to the hip-hop thug looks, epitomized by Kanye West's sweater vests.

4. Any other ideas???

Chuck (is gonna be a) Daddy

2007-05-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

So yes, for any readers that I don't actually know in the flesh, I guess it's time for my virtual announcement that my wife is 21 weeks. This was expected and we are very happy about it. Here are some early thoughts on pregnancy...

1. Dumb Classes
We still haven't started Lamaze or anything like that, but if it's anything like the pre-parent meeting we had, I'm keeping my expectations low. My favorite parts were the teacher explaining to the couple from somewhere Mediterranean that they couldn't eat soft cheese and when she warned the class that we shouldn't have sex after the water breaks.

2. Underwater Birth
I have always been a little bit obsessed with underwater births and have been trying to convince wife on this since day 1. I even tried to research it by going to a Water Birth Association Web Site. Unfortunately, instead of stats on shorter labors or lower pain, it was filled with weird hippy facts, like that people are 90% water anyway. Still, victory might still be mine. Wife started talking to some pregnant homies at her prenatal yoga class and might be coming around. Next goal, getting her to go for diaperless babies .

3. Advice

No one can give us too much advice while the the baby's in utero, but I have gotten one recurring message: "GO OUT TO EAT AND SEE AS MANY MOVIES AS POSSIBLE NOW." I find this kind of interesting. I mean, I love to go out and realize I'll miss this, but can I really bank this? Will seeing a glut of them now bind me over while I'm stuck inside for the first year? Wouldn't better advice be to get used to not going out and training myself to function w/o much sleep so the transition will be easier?

Anyway, October 2nd is the day. Still a lot of time to go...

Brushes With Fame

2007-05-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

Just read that America's favorite intern will be returning to Stumptown. Yes, it is true. Monica Lewinsky will be moving into a Pearl District Condo and I think this is great news, since PDX is way too starved for any sort of celebrities. It also reminded me that, even though we never spoke, we had a class together at L + C, which definitely goes down as my #1 celebrity encounter. Here are my top 5:

1. Having a psychology class with Monica Lewinsky

2. Showing Scottie Pippen how to turn on a synthesizer's drum beats in a suburban mall

3. Playing basketball with G. Love

4. Having dinner with Isaac from Modest Mouse (in 4 words: a pretty dumb jackass)

5. Friends with a girl who grew up in Harry Houdini's hometown.

What about the Xpress riders? Can anyone challenge my quintefecta? Or, if not, just have a funny story or two?

Best TV Show Ever

2007-05-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

For years, this really hasn't been a question in my mind. The Sopranos really had no competition. The show had an interesting premise, great characters, and addictively complicated story lines. Add to that mix snappy dialogue with cursing, sex, and violence and you had the most watchable TV show ever. The show was so good in fact, that, like Pulp Fiction with 90's movies, it redefined television. You can see the obvious influences in other HBO shows, but I would argue without The Sopranos you wouldn't have the amoral Desperate Housewives or the character-driven complex Lost.

But after a mediocre Season 6a and the slow start to Season 6b (although Hipster and others disagree w/ me), I think it might be time to drop The Sopranos down a notch. My nomination is The Wire. It might not hit the artistic homeruns like The Sopranos, but it's way more consistently good. I particularly like that The Wire seems to lack the aforementioned's ego, putting all its focus on being a good show and not on being cute or self-referential (Chris's gangster horror movie? Come on...)

But what do others think? Any Alf or Mr. Belvedere fans? Or was Benson and the Golden Girlz your cup of tea. Please oh please just don't say Seinfeld.

The Fuzz Needs To Get Off My Ass!

2007-05-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm driving down the street the other day and a copper puts on his lights. I think, he better not be starting any problems. Well, I roll down my window and he tells me, "This is your lucky day?"

And I say, "My lucky day? It's your lucky day I ain't put a cap in your ass just for bothering me."

Aight, maybe I didn't say that, but I thought it. Hard. And he keeps going on. "It's your lucky day. Because I just receieved another call, but I see that you don't have your registration updated. You need to get that done"

My lucky day? Like I was shaking in my boots b/c of a stupid little ticket? Naw, I repeat, it's his lucky day cuz I wasn't going to have my time wasted while he wrote me up stupid registration fine.

And what's up w/PDX and freaking their shit out over my registration? I went 3 years once w/o updating it. Now it's been 5 months and I've already gotten 2 tickets and now an ominous warning? They need to get life. Ain't there some real problems to deal with? I might just give them one if they don't watch their step. I'm just saying...

The Future Is Now

2007-04-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

Anyone who's driven down Portland's I-5 over the last year has certainly seen the new OMSI Aeriel Tram (I guess it was causing traffic jams in its first month from gawkers). And, as I watch it looping over the highway, I can't help but think of the Jetsons. It shouldn't be long now 'till we have an entire sky transit system flying through our skies. I see this as a very good thing, but am still waiting on a few other futuristic ideas that haven't quite made it yet.

1. The Food Pill

Now, I like a good meal like anyone else, but am I the only one who gets sick of eating day after after day. That's why I will be super-psyched when someone invents a food pill that can satiate and vitaminize me. I wouldn't use it everyday, but it would certainly come in handy.

2. Robot Maid

Big Sister has been raving about her robot mop, so, fortunately, we are getting closer and closer to this being a reality. And they've even invented a robot lawnmower, although that just seems terrifying. But there are so many other cleaning aspects I wish could be done electronically. Like my dishes. When is someone going to invent some device to clean my dishes? That would be great.

3. Teleportation Device

This is the invention I will be most excited about. My commute? Gone. Camping in the South West terminal in the hopes of securing my wife an aisle seat? History. I realize the complications are immense here (not to mention the danger of fusing your genes with a Fly), but if even short distances could be accommodated through teleportation, all of our lives would be so much easier...

Guest DJ: EMHO

2007-04-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

So EMHO, if you have a break at work, you mind commenting about some music you've been listening to lately?

EMHO: "Ha! Break from work! Now that is comedy.I've been extremely bored with my music selection lately. I need to get a few albums off of Miguelito's computers. Looking forward to listening to Of Montreal, the Field. I'm currently listening to Fujiya & Miyagi, the new Arcade Fire & Asobi Seksu."

An Unreasonable Man???

2007-04-17T20:15:00.001-07:00

I watched a documentary on Ralph Nader this weekend, Unreasonable Man, and thought it was good. The first half is fairly fawning, seemingly for good reason. Besides seat belts and air bags, we can thank Nader for countless pro-consumer anti-corporation organizations, bills, and followers, who followed in Nader's path (Nader's Raiders). He actually got General Motors so mad that they had him followed and tried to ensnare him in controversy multiple ways, including sending women to hit on him in grocery stores (good luck there, Nader's never been married and none of his biographers have ever even unearthed a single girlfriend). He eventually won $425,000 from GM. Things got harder for him after Carter. In the name of shrinking government, Reagan got rid of many of Nader's programs and when the Democrats took back the White House, they had become too pro-business to listen to Nader much. He tried some other ways to make a difference, but the next major stop in his career would be his attempts at becoming president.

I've always been critical of Nader running for office in 2000, and even though the movie become balance at this point, it still helped me put his election runs more in perspective. They had a part where a guy studied whether Nader had been focusing on Florida and other spoiler states and found no pattern other than an attempt to maximize votes by spending a lot of time in sure winners like Cali and NY. Additionally, it is almost a statistical anomaly that he did have such an effect. He's not the first third candidate, and he really didn't get many votes (2.74%). Is it his fault he happened to be running in one of our closest elections with the closest state vote ever? Why aren't Republicans complaining more about Perot, who got 19% in 1992?

But the question still has remains, why did he run at all? What was he hoping to accomplish? And as the movie continued, I started to think he had no idea. I was astonished by this smart man's naivety. At one point he claims that if only Kerry had focused on corporate welfare, he would have for sure won. Does he seriously believe this? And how could he not be more aware that our terrible electoral system sentenced him to being meaningless. In a parliamentary system he could have accomplished something. But the best a third party candidate can hope for is here is to be a spoiler. It can be argued that in three consecutive elections the (1992, 1996, and 2000) the wrong party won.

No, in this country the way to accomplish agendas is through creating organizations, by staying in the media's eyes, and through relentlessly pushing your agenda. And Nader had been doing this. It's as if he grew more clueless as he aged. Maybe losing voice in the Reagan era did something to him. Or maybe he needed to get laid and stop working so much.

Overall, I felt like he really has had a great career and did feel intense admiration for him. And of course, I wish our election system could become more democratic and that 3% of the vote meant 3% of the influence. But I do wish he hadn't run in 2000. Besides the 8 years of Bush we've had to endure, I feel our country could have used his energy in other places where he could have made more changes. For instance, what if instead of running a fruitless election, he had tried to change our electoral system? Now that could've actually resulted in some lasting change.

Modern Day Crack

2007-04-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

Now, even though the crack epidemic of the 80's has waned, that doesn't mean that one does not need to be careful to avoid other all-consuming highly addicitive modern-day temptations. Here are three I personally have abstained from.

1. Blackberries

What I think is the worst aspect of a Blackberry, is that people can seem like they are still participating in regular life, but the worst addicts still find a way to check it every few minutes. Are they really even listening to you during the checking intervals? Additonally, the ability to check the internet at all times is a power greater than most mortals can handle.

2. 24

The word on the street is that this show is not nearly as good as it is addictive. The definition of crack! Knowing my propensity to get hooked on television series', I will keep myself away from Jack Bauer saving the world, 1 hour at a time.

3. Vitamins

Not only does their methods of classification annoy me (Why are some named after letters and others called riboflavin or thiamine? Why not Vitamin R or T?), but I really don't think vitamins work. Have you noticed that compulsive vitamin takers always look less healthy than your average Joe? Seriously, it's for the same reason that germophobes are sick so often- any possible positive sides are overcome by the damage done by thinking and stressing about them. But still, people take them day after day buying bottle after bottle. And once you start, it's a life-long habit. My riboflavin levels are perfectely fine already, thank you very much.

Beer Versus Bacon

2007-04-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

The eternal dilemma, which one to choose?

Well, for the last 4 months, I haven't had to. Wife got me Bacon of the Month Club for my birthday (September) and Beer of the Month Club for Xmas. And so you might be wondering, which one is better?

Without a doubt, I have preferred the Beer of the Month Club. As much as I've appreciated getting bacon sent to me in the mail, the bacon itself hasn't been that special. I mean, all bacon is good, so there really is no reason to be getting it from different farms. And when they've gone for the exotic types(like sugar bacon or pork jowls), it's been kind of gross.

But the Beer of the Month Club... It's like having 12 pieces of heaven arrive every month. I love it, and have become a complete dork about it. You get 4 types of beer (3 a piece) and I organize them into neat rows in my refrigerator so I know exactly how much of each one I have left. I even started a spread sheet yesterday so I could keep track of the good ones. Here are some things I've discovered...

1. I seem to be going through a Pale Ale period in my life. I used to be all about Porters, but lately, I've been really enjoying all beers on the Pale to India Pale Ale spectrum.

2. I'm not that into foreign beers. Other than the Polish Okocim, the foreign beers have been my least favorite (I've gotten a Marzen, 2 Dopplebocks, and a triple nightcap) thus far. It appears that my favorite beers are American Micro brew versions of foreign beers.

3. Three that have stood out: (A) Snake Chaser, an Irish Style stout from Lakefront Brewery in Milwaukee, (B) The Bitter End Pale Ale from 2 Brothers Brewing company located outside Chicago in Warrenville, and (C) Extra Pale Ale from Green Flash Brewing Company in San Diego (and I've seen it recently at New Season in Portland).

4. Beer is good.

Stupidest Chorus Ever

2007-04-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

Alright, I recently heard the song, "This is Why I'm Hot", and am considering that it just might contain The Stupidest Chorus Ever. It begins with:

This is why I'm hot, this is why I'm hot, this is why this is why this is why I'm hot.

So far pretty dumb, but forgivable. I mean, lots of songs have choruses that just repeat phrases. But it gets way worse when he starts explaining

I'm hot cuz I'm fly

Aren't these both synonyms. Like this would be the equivalent of telling someone, "I'm beautiful b/c I'm pretty." So already, I'm thinking this chorus is pretty dumb, but the kicker is the next line when he explains why you're not as hot as he.

You Ain't Cuz You Not

You ain't cuz you not? Are you kidding me??? He couldn't come up with anything better? These are the insults a 3-year old wields. "You're stupid cuz you're dumb. I like you, NOT." I guess in the verse he gives some more specific details about why he's hot, but I just can't get over, "You ain't cuz you not." That is epically stupid, right?

But perhaps I'm just being harsh on kids today. Can anyone come up with a stupider chorus? For some reason the only dumb chorus I can think of is "Louie Louie", which is certainly inane, but doesn't hold a candle to "You ain't cuz you not." Anyone else have any ideas?

Spring Break 2007!!!

2007-04-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

Got back late Sunday from staying in La Cruz de Huanacaxtle (right outside of Puerto Vallerta). I'm sure I wasn't too missed (considering I was with 2/7 of my commenters), but it is nice to be back. Here are some of the highlights (and 1 lowlight).

1. Bad Day One

Possible worst flying experience ever. After being seated, the whole flight was evacuated so they could fix a clogged toilet. Yes, a clogged toilet. The flight was delayed 7 hours and then it was cancelled. We were forced to drive to Seattle and get a flight for the next day. Anyone have a worse story?

2. Awesome T-Shirts

We decided to have an Obnoxious T-Shirt Contest. The only trick was that the really bad ones were so awful no one was willing to buy it. So, the winner was the agro frat party demand, "IF YOU DIDN'T COME TO PART STAY THE FUCK HOME". But, the fisherman getting a blowjob from a fish probably would've taken the title hands down, had anyone actually purchased it.

3. Drunk Bargaining

Witnessed a great bargaining session between Miguelito's hermano and a motor-boat-snorkeling guy. I won't go into all the details, but suffice it so say when we found out the next day the guy had been drunk at the time, it all made sense.

4. Snorkelling Is Fun

I guess everyone else already knew this, but not coming from a very action-adventure oriented family, I had only been snorkeling once before. Although I never felt fully comfortable with the gear, I loved the space-like floating and echoey feeling.

5. Bathtub Riacilla

Ended up randomly in a town called La Mascota. We got there by mistake (wrong turn on the way to mining town), but ended up enjoying being in a normal Mexican City virtually gringo-free (which we of course were ruining). The added bonus was when we went in search of their local type of tequilla (called Riacilla) and were sent to a local's house. There, we knocked on the door, and were served samples by an 8-year old. Eventually, he poured us a bottle right then and there. That's what I call service!

6. And then of course...

Lots of sun, relaxing, and various lageresque beers (why bother having different Mexican beers?). And now I will return to transitioning back to reality...

New Seven Wonders Contest

2007-03-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

This might be the type of thing that only a Middle School Social Studies teacher could get into, but if you haven't heard, there is a new contest to pick the new Seven Wonders. It seems, only 6 of the original 7 have not been destroyed by earthquakes or fire (and good riddance, who gives a shit about the Temple of Artemis anyway?), and so we're going to get all democratic and vote in 7 new ones.

Here are a few things I'm keeping in mind when making my selections

1. It should be old

2. It should have major wow value

3. It should be unique

4. If you can be seen from space, you are automatically in

5. Being a symbol of a country is not enough to get in

6. Being mysterious helps, but is not enough to get in

There are 21 to pick from, and here is my opinion of the 8 I've been to.

1.Machu Picchu: Definitely in. Ruins plus mountains plus mysterious origins = first ballot wonder

2.Colosseum: I could see arguments against this, but I was just obsessed with it. I think it helps that an entire modern city is occurring around it.

3.Alahambra: On the fence, but leaning to it. It was ten years ago, but I remember incredible tiles and there just being a lot of it.

Chichen Itza: On the fence, leaning away. I saw it on a family trip, and I think seeing sites with my family may have made me more passive in taking it in, but I don't remember being wowed. But the picture looks pretty damn cool. Sister, what did you think?

Eiffel Tower: Nope.

Acropolis: Nope. Great location, but didn't stand out to me from the 5 billion other ruins there (was that a travel snob statement?) I'd take Knossos over the Acropolis

Stonehenge: No. Only a mystery. Really not that great.

Statue of Liberty: No way. Please don't let this make it.

Ones I would add

4. Great Wall of China

5. Easter Island: more than just a mystery. Those things just look crazy amazing.

6. Pyramids of Giza: Grandfathered in

7. Petra: Pictures of it look extremely cool.

World Trivia

2007-03-14T23:05:00.000-07:00

Just got the Economist's World in Figures 2007, which ranks every country on just about everything (curious which country has the highest cereal production? It's in there!). But there's some interesting info in there. Below, is a quiz of sorts. See if you can figure out who the top country is (no cheating Miguelito). I'll post the answers early next week.

1. Highest Obesity Rate For Men

a. United States (5th)

b. Lebanon (1st)

c. Panama (4th)
d. Wisconsin

2. Biggest Smokers
a. United States (not in top 20)

b. South Korea (20th)

c. Greece (1st)

d. Japan (4th)

3. Biggest Beer Drinkers
a. United States (8th)

b. Germany (2nd)

c. Ireland (Not in top 23)

d. Czech Republic (1st)

4. Spends highest % of GDP on Defence
a. United States (23rd)
b. North Korea (1st)

c. Switzerland (Not in top 23)

d. Myanmar (4th)

5. Spends highest % of GDP on health care
a. United States (1st)
b. Switzerland (2nd)
c. Congo (lowest)
d. Cuba (Don't know)

6. Highest Divorce Rate
a. United States (2nd)

b. Aruba (1st)

c. Belize (tied for lowest)

d. Columbia (tied for lowest)

7. Cleanest Air
a. United States (not in top or bottom 25)

b. New Zealand (9th)

c. Uganda (1st)

d. Gary

8. Highest Quality of Life

a. United States (10th)

b. Niger (worst)

c. Sierra Leone (second worst)

d. Norway (1st)

Temp Jobs

2007-03-13T21:42:00.001-07:00

So I was going into Hollywood Video tonight to get my latest installment of Lost (I am a new addict) and I ran into this guy I worked on a temp job with a while ago. The meeting was fairly random, and after we said our goodbyes, 2 things stood out to me.

The first thing, is that I am so happy that now when I run into someone randomly, we can catch up and then just go our separate ways, without that whole fake let's-hang-out-some-time thing. I mean, we've never hung out before, why would we now 7 years after working w/ each other? We wouldn't, and I appreciate that as I get older I'm tending to do this more and more with the run-ins, "Hey, nice to see you, I'm sure we'll run into each other again. Later."

The other thing that stood out was what I remembered about this guy: he had worked the best temp job ever. The temp job we worked together was pretty good, probably my favorite. We sat at a big table, could shoot the shit, and measured shoes for Adidas (specifically, we found out what percentage was synthetic, textile, or leather). But for him, this was small potatoes. One day we were comparing temp jobs, and it came out that he had spent a day testing emergency slides from planes. That's right. His job was to jump out of a plane and ride down one of those inflatable slides.

So readers, can you best that? Or come even close? I'll start the list at 2, but feel free to try to crack the list of BEST TEMP JOBS EVER!!!!

1. Beer Taster

2. Inflatable Plane Slide Tester

3. Bra Salesman (tie)

3. Shoe Measurer (tie)

3. Bong Assmebler (tie)

Things That Bother Other People That I'm Fine With

2007-03-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

1. Talking On Cell Phones While Driving

Well I haven't gotten into an accident yet, and even if I do, how can you be sure that was from my cell phone? People get into accidents all the time. And what else am I supposed to do on my commute home? It now takes me upwards of 45 minutes to get home. It gets friggin' boring and now I get all of my calls out of the way. Why else have a cell phone?

2. Athletes Making Millions

I guess I'd rather that money being diverted to public servants and social workers, but if the 2 destination spots are rich old white owners and the players, I'm totally fine with the players getting paid. And why don't people complain as much about other under worked millionaires, like actors or John Rockefeller XV? Athletes are people too!!!

3. Reality Shows

Reality shows freakin' rock and I don't want to hear about how much they've dumbed down TV. You obviously must have watching Masterpiece Theatre while I was hooked on Alf and Mr. Belvedere. And they're only getting better. Wife Swap? Ingenious. The White Rapper's Show (Thank you EMHO)? Utter brilliance (and, btw, John Brown should have won. Although Car Wars was a pretty lame finale...).

4. Babies crying on planes

Any annoyance I start to feel is completely overwhelmed by how sorry I feel for the parents. I cannot imagine anything worse than being stuck on a plane with a baby I can't calm down.

Pet Peeves #10 - #12

2007-03-07T21:13:00.000-08:00

Pet Peeves #1 - #3
Pet Peeves #4 - #6
Pet Peeves #7 - #9

10. Germ detectives
It really gets on my nerves when someone gets a cold and they blame a specific person every time. "Oh that Wendy was sniffling the other day, and look what happened. Thanks a lot Wendy." Okay, I totally suck at science, and I realize if someone sneezes on you, you're more likely to get sick. But I also think there's like billions of germ swirling around our breathing space all the time and you just sometimes get sick and sometimes you don't.

11. Rewards Cards
All those stupid buy 10 Subway sandwiches and get one free. Like I don't have enough to worry about? Now I have to keep track of 30 different punch cards. And does every supermarket do a rewards thing now? I am totally suspicious. Granted, I also resisted getting miles for air travel and wife signed us up and we already have a free trip. Fine, but Fred Meyers points? What am I missing? My free macaroni and cheese? This seems totally like a plot to keep me shopping at just 1 store.

12. Tupperware
Just in general. I hate that the tops get all malformed and then won't fit on. I hate that they totally inspire keeping shit you'll never eat. And I hate trying to fit them in the drawer they never fit in.

Road Rage

2007-03-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

I am very proud to say, I had my first bout of road rage last night. For those who know me, this is very out of character. The closest I've ever been before is being next to Petrovich while he was yelling at someone. But now I've had my very own car-screaming experience.

All right, here's the situation. I was at an intersection that was more crowded than usual b/c of a lane closure. I was letting in an SUV, who had gotten trapped in the closed lane, and was giving him some space, due to his largess. Well, the mother fucking cunt bag behind first honks and then when I don't move forward, actually bumps my car!!!!!

I was furious and instantly was yelling and swearing at him with crazed motions (he couldn't hear me, but still, he could feel my anger!). To make things weirder, we were barely moving, so after I finished my rant, his car was still there and not going anywhere. Now I had a decision to make. Should I (a) Go kick his ass, (b) Go talk to him, or (c) Let it go. After a few moments of stewing, I went to talk to the fucker.

I'm sure there are various parallel universes out there where I would have been beaten to a pulp. But in last night's version, it ended up being a good idea and went like this:

"Did you just bump my car?"
"Yeah, I'm totally sorry. I really didn't mean to."
"Well I thought you were mad for me not moving."
"Yeah, and I was trying to get you to move forward, but I really didn't want to hit your car."

At this I was totally satisfied. And more so, realizing that if I hadn't talked to him, I probably would've been bitter for years to come (like how I'm still mad about not saying anything to the guy who shushed me at music performance 3 years ago). So there's my story, how about you guys? Where are you on the road rage scale of 1 to 10? Any good stories? Feel free to add bike or pedestrian rage stories, I think you may have 1 or 2 Petro...

Dog Haters

2007-02-27T20:48:00.000-08:00

Now, I'm not one of those bring Toughie-everywhere treat-my-Max-like-a-spoiled-child base-life-decisions-on-Benji dog owner. But some of the dog hating going on in my neighborhood is just plain weird. One house has a store-bought sign that reads, "No Dogs," and has a dog with a cross through it. Another neighbor has a hand-made, "No Dog Poop!," sign adorning his front yard. Both bring up multiple questions...

1. Where do you buy an anti-dog sign?

For arguments sake, let's assume this wasn't bought on the internet. Then where? A Target? Nope, think of how many people would be pissed off. A gas station in the middle of nowhere? No, I still don't see it. Where then?

2. If you really hate poop so much, why are you going out of your way to associate your house with it?

Now, I'm assuming the "No Dog Poop" person is upset about the aesthetics of dog waste on their lawn. Alright, but do you really want everyone who comes over or walks by your abode to think of dog poop as they look at your house?

3. How much poop, really?

Okay, now I can see that if my lawn was littered w/ dog feces, then I too would get upset (but to go to my workshop and construct a sign?). But is this actually a problem? I have multiple people walk dogs by my house on the way to a coffee shop and I would say in 5 years I've had dog poop left on my lawn.... Once? Twice? I just don't believe that this is happening all that much (But you wonder, do they get sort-of excited when it does? Like, this is total justification for their anger?).

4. What are they really mad about?

I think in both cases, there really is something more to this. Like maybe society's intrusion in their life? Bad childhood connections? Boss treating them like shit? Any ideas?

Thoughts on the Oscars

2007-02-25T22:42:00.000-08:00

1. Departed was not the best movie the year. But I was still happy for Scorsese

2. I hate that the producers give the last speech. It's so anti-climatic. Like the producer of The Departed had more to do with it than an acclaimed director, a storied cast, and the screenplay writer.

3. Forest Whitaker's win follows a pattern I discovered before. 64% of the black best actor nominees have been based on real people versus only 19% of whites.

4. 3 themes for the night

a. Lesbians: Not a bad job Ellen, and Melissa Etheridge? You go girls!

b. Al Gore: Take that Dubya

c. Mexican Directors: Didn't win a whole lot, but Pan's Labyrinth, Children of Men, and Babel had mucho nominationes

Best Movies of 2006

2007-02-21T14:15:00.000-08:00

Yes, the Oscars are coming! Not sure why I always get so excited for this event, since it is always too long. But still fun somehow... Anyway, if I was King of the Oscars, here would be my five movies of the year, in no particular order.

1. Pan's Labyrinth
2. The Queen
3. Little Miss Sunshine
4. Devil Wears Prada
5. Borat

I didn't include The Departed, which I just saw this weekend. I enjoyed it and was into it, but couldn't help but think it was secretly a bad movie. Am I alone on this? I mean, how couldn't I pay attention to a multiple back stabbing double agents killing and stealing and confusing me. But I felt like it was a little ridiculous and easy.

Like, I know we're dealing with cops and robbers, but didn't they all seem a bit over aggressive? There were like 7 fist fights in the movie, 3 alone between cops. I wanted to tell everyone to chill out a little, but then I might have noticed that it wasn't really that good of a movie. Like, was there even an attempt at a theme, other then rats die? Overall, a satisfying movie watching experience followed by a bad aftertaste, and not even in the ballpark of Scorsese's own Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, King of Comedy, or even The Aviator.

Guest DJ: Miguelito Frigolito

2007-02-18T14:18:00.000-08:00

Although I consider myself an above-average music fan, I am certainly not in the league of the various music aficionados that visit this site. That's why it's a little strange when I'm doing the initiation of some new music; it really should be the other way around.

So here's my idea. Every month or so a different Chuckdaddy rider can tell us about some good music they've been listening to (old or new is fine). The guest can just write their music blog as a comment and then I can cut+paste (I am so technological!) it onto the main page. So what do you think Mike? Are you game? Will the real Miguelito Frigolito please stand up?

Miguelito Frigolito: "I'm surprised a slew of Miguelito's haven’t stepped forward yet to pontificate on their current musical rotation….These days it’s 80 – 90% electronic stuff, kind of thing that I don’t think floats the boat of majority of Chuckdaddy and/or other readers.There’s not a whole lot in rotation that hasn’t been discussed on these pages already. There’s PB&J, who are slated to come here to the Doug Fir in May – their album just got a domestic release stateside and their late night appearance on Conan was nice. Speaking of TV, the Arcade Fire are the musical guest on SNL this Saturday night.Craigeokie and I discussed the greatness of the latest Hold Steady album on Saturday night.

Craig was also talking up locals Deerhunter (not to be confused with Deerhoof, who also have a new album out) – from what I’ve heard not my cup o’ tea but apparently the latest thing with the kids. One thing I agree on with Dustin – the new Of Montreal album is worth a listen – still need to download it to the MP3 player though.Ehmo wants Petrovitch to download the new Clap Your Hands and Bloc Party albums….In my to-be-downloaded list that I’m most seeking are a couple of various artists CDs: Urban Africa Club and The Bombay Connection: Funk From Bollywood Action Thrillers… Anybody heard these yet? On the electronic set, check out Villalobos’ Fizheuer Zieheuer, one track, 37 minutes of pure bliss…"

Totally Gay Snickers Ad

2007-02-15T07:29:00.000-08:00

If anyone remembers that really stupid Snicker Superbowl ad (the one where the 2 guys are working on a car and accidentally kiss going after a Snickers), the only controversy most probably felt possible was on a scale of 1-10, how unfunny was it.

But controversial it is. I guess if you go to the web site (what total losers go out of there way to watch Snickers' ads?) there are other more violent ads (with their reaction being to beat the shit out of each other) and a whole segment with Colts and Bears players responding extremely negatively to guys kissing. Well, after complaints from GLAAD, Snickers has decided to pull the commercials.

Now, I personally don't really have an opinion either way. When I first saw it I was actually confused on who it was intended to offend. Part of me thought it was pretty post-Brokeback to show guys kissing and thought the religious right was going to be up in arms. The next day at school though, when my middle school students (probably the target audience) talked about the ad it was clear to me the intention was to gross out.

Anyway, I read about this on a sportsblog. And I found the comments more interesting than the debate. They're all over the place. But you have these weird combinations where someone regales the gay community for being oversensitive and then proceeds to full-on insult them. But there's some very random ones as well. I particularly liked the comment by the guy who goes into the fact that the commercial was too ridiculous to even be considered and recommends them accidentally holding hands as a funnier option. I totally agreed with him, but he seemed to be missing the point.

Here's a clip of it (btw, how do the cool kids get the picture of the video on their blog?)

Random Current Events

2007-02-12T19:59:00.000-08:00

1. An election to replace the eccentric Turkmenistan dictator happened on Sunday. "The Father of The Turkmenis" as he liked to call himself ,was known for changing the days of the week to the names of himself and relatives, forcing school children to study the book that he wrote, having a gold statue of himself rotate with the sun, and illegalizing ballet because, "I do not understand ballet". The new guy (Gurnabguli Berdymukhamedov) will probably be just as corrupt, but not nearly as funny.

2. Coup alert in Bangladesh! The army didn't trust the two women who've been ruling Bangladesh for the past 16 years to have a fair and peaceful election. Although the army was probably right, the army taking over still bodes badly for Bangladesh's democratic future.

3. The Chinese have designed a 25-mile 8.2 billion dollar atom smasher. Fuck yeah!!!

Beer Belly of Steel

2007-02-10T10:09:00.000-08:00

So, an update on my month before New Year's resolution. I've been doing pretty well w/ my 3 sets of push-ups and crunches before the TV. A nice extra trick I've learned is to make my goal 5 times a week, b/c when it ends up being 4 times that week you still haven't done so badly (or is it bad?).

But I do have one problem. And this goes out to people who have been working out for more than 2 months. I feel a little bit of difference, but instead of my beer belly disappearing, it just just seems to be growing harder. I'm starting to think my flabby little pouch is transforming into a beer belly of steel! So here are my work-out questions. (A) Is this just the first step of getting in shape? And soon the belly will begin to recede? (B) Is this what happens when you fail to combine crunches with any sort of aerobic exercise? Or (C) (PLEASE DON"T SAY IT"S TRUE) Am I completely missing the point and what I really need to do is stop drinking beer on weeknights???

Any advice will be appreciated.

Garbage Time

2007-02-06T21:22:00.000-08:00

A friend and I were talking and realized that we both were assigned garbage/recycling duty in our respective households. We both thought that this was kind of funny, in its typicalness and threw out some reasons why. His theory was that guys tended to it b/c of the dirt factor. This seemed too easy to me, and a little silly, when you consider that most household tasks are dirty. My theory was that men were assigned to it b/c it was a cut and dry concrete task. When is a bathroom clean is always debatable. Not so, that I took the garbage out on Monday.

After some more discussion we thought of a third theory, that it was in the male domain b/c it sounded much more labor intensive then it really was. Saying you're in charge of recycling makes it seem as if you really are taking on your part of the division of household labor, but really it only equals 15 minutes of labor once a week. So some questions. First of all, is it even true that garbage/recycling is the guy's job? And which theory do people think is right?

The Bears Lose

2007-02-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

So sad, although I do have to admit the better team won. Still, with that Hester return and the rain making things sloppier, they really did have a chance. But they threw it all away. Or I should say, stupid pissant schmuckface Rex Grossman threw it and bobbled it away.

I know he's easy pickings, but that doesn't make him any less toxic for this team. I really hope they go w/ someone else in the offseason. They have a good coach, defence, running backs, and receivers. Please don't be loyal to this guy. Anyway, enough with the bad. It still was enjoyable to actually care about the outcome of the superbowl for once. And coming in second is still pretty damn good.

Movie Names

2007-01-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

A G\good movie name can make or break a movie. Or maybe not. Maybe it all it means is it'll be altered and used for magazine article titles a lot(Pulp Fact or Fiction?). Either way, here is my top ten for great and terribly named movies.

Great Movie Names

1. Sex Lies and Videotape (Maybe the best move name ever)
2. Fried Green Tomatoes (Sounds interesting)

3. On Golden Pond (Sounds important)

4. Boy, Did I Get A Wrong Number! (Never saw it, but don't you want to?)

5. Sunset Boulevard

6. The 6th Sense (Best suspense name ever)

7. Permanent Midnight

8. Can't Stop The Music (Why not? Why is the music not stopping?)

9. Santa With Muscles (Iwould know this was a terrible movie, but watch it for a little to see just what it was talking about. Is Santa coming back to kick ass?)

10. Crimes and Misdemeanors

Bad Movie Names

1. Millagro Beanfield War (Could a movie sound more boring?)

2. Quiz Show (Another Redford movie. Hmmm...)

3. The Pianist

4. Ben Hur

5. Cinderella Man (For a boxing movie? What were they thinking)

6. The Deer Hunter (Sounds like a documentary)

7. Ghosts Can't Do It (Do what? What can't ghosts do?

8. Simon Sez (Wtf?)

9. Gigli (You need to be able to proniunce it- jiggly or giggly?)

10. Monster A Go-Go

And for the toilet humor inclined, here is site that has movie names that sound like when you poop

3 Reasons Why I Am A Better Person Than You

2007-01-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

1. Letting Cars In
There is this one intersection on the way home from work where I am in the speedy lane w/o a stop sign. And on the left cars line up for miles just waiting to merge. Well, I could just fly by, mocking their inability to find a new route, but I ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, slow down and let a car in. That's right, pay it forward is my attitude.

2. Putting Back Items At The Grocery Store
Oh, don't lie. I know that when you decide you don't need a product, you just leave it in some random aisle. You don't fool me. Well I'll have you know that I NEVER EVER EVER do this. I always take the item back to its proper place, EVEN if it means walking across the entire grocery store.

3. Not Using My Good Looks For Evil
I admit I've been tempted, but in the end, I ALWAYS use my daring good looks for good instead of evil. It's just the type of guy I am.

Que Bueno! Latino Movies Rock!!!

2007-01-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

Saw two recent Latin movies: Volver and Pan's Labrynth. Both were great.

Volver is a Pedro Almovadar movie and if you've seen any of his other movies you already know if you'll like this. Like his others, it's quirky, surprising, and colorful. The twist in Volver is that almost all the characters are women. The only downside is what I've felt in his past movies, that everything's a bit ridiculous and it feels a little surfacey. I certainly don't see it as a movie I'll think much about in 2 months. Still, I would recommend it.

And Pan's Labyrnth might be my favorite 2006 movie. The movie takes place in the last gasps of the Spanish Civil War, with a mom and daughter going out to stay w/ the mom's new husband. As the military husband is out squashing the remainding rebels, the girl is off on her own hyper-fantasy adventure. Kind of a Dark Crystal meets For Whom The Bell Tolls. What's cool is that her fantasy world isn't an escape, both worlds live side by side. It doesn't distinguish between the creepy scary real world and little kid's imaginary world, and that seemed both accurate and made it not feel like a kid's movie.

These movies both are now added to my growing list of recent awesome Latino movies: Amores Perros, City of God, and Y Tu Mama Tambien.

Three Things I Do Better Than You

2007-01-23T21:09:00.000-08:00

1. Play Scrabble
Oh you think you're good? You think??? No offence, but I'll waste you. Oh, you like the long words? No problem, I'll 7-letter your ass. No, so now you['re saying you like the cramped board? That's fine by me. I can play dirty too. All I know is that in the end you'll be crying like a little girl as my 350 score is rung up.

2. Parallel Park
Damn I'm good! There really is no comparison to me in this department. I not only can wedge my slick Saturn into the most cramped up places, but I usually can pull it off with just one try. And you know, you all could get there. First, you gotta just yank that steering wheel to the right. That gets you in deep. And then don't be afraid to bump. Back bump front back bump and I'm in tight. Listen and learn.

3. Find Beer Cap Openers
Seriously man, this skill of mine is off the charts. Not to boast, but I can walk myself into any stranger's kitchen and I'm like a homing pigeon. It's like a radar goes off in my head. I take a second to survey the surroundings, then BOOM, I pull out the lucky cupboard and find that beer opener. For real.

Presidential Myers Briggs Types

2007-01-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

Well, Barack Obama seems to be the Democrat du jour currently, and I'm starting to come around as well. Granted, I'm not really sure what he stands for, but he does seem to be a charismatic young fellow and the JFK connections are mounting: both likable, about the same age, only served 1 Senate term, and although half of me thinks America still isn't ready for a Black president, the other half of me is starting to think that maybe Black is the new Irish.

Now of course he still has to get past Hillary and Edwards (who we shouldn't count out). And even then, he'd have to overcome the uber-experienced middle-man McCain. But he definitely has a chance.

Anyway, all this way-too-early 2008 election talk got me thinking about whether Myers Briggs could give us any insight to who might be our next chief executive. Here is my best guess (my opinion + random internet seaches) at the personality types of our modern presidents and the top current candidates.

Kennedy: ESFP - SP
LBJ: ESTJ - SJ
Nixon: ENTJ - NT
Carter: INFJ - NF
Reagan: ESFJ - SJ
Bush I: ISTJ - SJ
Clinton: ENFP - NF
Bush II: ISTJ - SJ

Hillary Clinton - INTJ - NT
Barack Obama - ENFP - NF
Edwards - ESFP - SP
John McCain - ESTJ - SJ
Giuliani - INTJ - NT

Looking it over I notice... very little. We seem to be mildly biased towards J presidents (6 out of 8) and I guess that makes sense. Who wants a president who's always stopping projects in the middle or running late? But all the others are fairly equal.

When I looked at them by temperment though (the 2 letters), some patterns stuck out. First of all, our last 5 presidents have either been SJ or NF: with SJs being known for being responsible and protective whereas NFs feel your pain and are known for inspiring. And these types are completely linked to political party, with the SJ presidents being Republicans and NF's Democrats.

This seems to fit with some common stereotypes of the two parties, with Republicans being more inclined to want a Guardian (another name for SJ) and Democrats wanting an Idealist (another name for NF). But what does it mean for this next election? Well, if this is true, then maybe that is one reason why Democrats seem so attracted to Barack. And it does also shed some light on issues Hillary has been having. People often say she's too cold, a critique NTs get. I always thought this showed people were uncomfortable with a woman being tough. Maybe its more that people are uncomfortable with a Democrat being too cold.

Not sure if this means anything. Feel free to add your own anaylzations (or just to tell me to get a life, it is January of 2007).

Math Mix

2007-01-17T11:02:00.000-08:00

Feeling very blogolific this week, perhaps b/c my weekend has now reached the epic proportions of 5 days long (MLK + 2 snow days). In general, I have been doing nothing school-related since the snow came (unless you count avoiding, but actively dreading grading an assignment, work), but there is something I have been meaning to do that won't quite feel like work.

As most of you know, I am a Middle School teacher. And as some of you know, I teach math and social studies, but am totally sick of teaching math. Next year I should be solely social studies. Which is great, but there was one thing I always planned to do, but never did. Make a math mix and play it while my students work on assignments.

Here's what I have so far
Violent Femmes: Add It Up
Modest Mouse: Neverending Math Equation
Spoon: My Mathematical Mind
Weird Al: White and Nerdy
De La Soul: 3 Feet High and Rising
3 Dog Night: One Is The Loneliest Number
Beatles: 8 Days a Week
Metallica: 1

I am tempted to add a 50 cent song, but it might leave me not teaching math or social studies next year. Any more ideas Xpress riders?

More Graphic Novels

2007-01-16T16:35:00.000-08:00

Thought about making a New Year's Resoultion of reading more actual novels, but decided to just continue with my weekly Economist and the occasional Graphic Novel. Here are some recent ones I've read.

Alison Bechdel's "Fun Home": A+
I really can't say enough about how good this is. It's an autobigraphical tale about Bechtel growing up with her fastidious English-teacher in-the-closet dad. Besides just being a fascinating story, she does an amazing job of drawing connections between her father and famous novels (without it seeming forced or being pretentious). She also tells the story in a sort of circling-in style, where we know the basic ending, but she continues to fill us in more and more of the periphery. Great great read.

Marjane Satrapi's "Chicken with Plums": A
Short, interesting story by the author of Persepolis. Wouldn't say this is really better or worse than Persepolis, but certainly much smaller in scale. In it, she writes about her uncle, a famous Tar player who decides to lie in his bed until he dies after his wife breaks his beloved instrument. Not exactly a pick-me-up, but very good.

Larry Gonich "Cartoon History of The Universe": B
Cartoon History of US History is in my opinion a great history book, so I was beside myself when I heard that the same author had set his sights on an even bigger subject- the history of the earth. So far I've read the first 2 volumes (ranging from life on earth to rhe Roman empire) and I've enjoyed them, but not as much as his US one. He has so much to cover now, that at times I felt like got caught up in listing ruler after ruler w/o giving us a broader context. Nevertheless, I've got the third on order and will probably read all the ones that come out.

Vaughan and Henrichon "Pride of Baghdad": C
This one is about lions freed from a zoo during the American bombing of Iraq. I still never fully put the metaphor together and really don't care. The whole thing felt pretty cheesey to me and I just wish I could have read about actual people in Iraq.

Now That's What I'm Talking About

2007-01-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

Here are some interesting drinking stats from this month's Atlantic Monthly

1. "American males who drank heavily when they tenth-graders in 1990 earned more money in 2000 , on average, than their peers who were teetotaler as teens." This was not true for women.

2. "Self-described drinkers (male and female) earn 10 percent to 14 percent more than non-drinkers."

3. "Men who frequent bars at least once a month earn a further 7 percent wage boost."

New Year's Resolutions That Stick

2007-01-10T21:49:00.000-08:00

So I was listening to sports radio the other day and the host begins complaining about how crowded his gym is with all of these people who just made a New Year's resolution to work out. And he's claiming that this happens every year and that it annoyed him b/c he knows they're going to give it up by February. Could they just accept their slothiness and stay out of his space?

Now, I found this both funny, and probably true, but instantly started wondering how I would be different in my new attempt to work out. And here is my ingenious method. I started my work-out resolution a month early! You might think this wouldn't matter, but now I have already had my figuring it out and slacker stage, and the New year has now resolidified my efforts into a healthy routine.

So, yes maybe it's only been one week, but I think this could work. Drinking problems? Try to stop in December, fail at the holidays, and refocus yourself after the new year. It's so much worse to fail in January. Yes, I think I'm definitely on to something. Hello New Year, goodbye new found beer gut.

Ending Movies

2007-01-09T19:35:00.000-08:00

On Friday I saw two movies: The Devil Wears Prada and The Whale Rider. I thought both were good, but found myself a little disappointed in the endings (stop reading if you haven't seen them).

If you saw the ad for The Devil Wears Prada and thought, huh, that actually could be pretty good, it is. Meryl Streep is having a great time as the bitchiest boss ever, and they do a nice job of exagerating the fashion world just enough to be funny w/o going too far. I got so into it that I found myself wanting to quit my teaching job and start working 13 hour days for a souless company. Not for the money and not for the glory, but just so I could prove I could overcome a terrible boss and insane expectations. That's why I was oddly disappointed when the eventual disillusionment came and the star leaves to go to work at a serious paper. I guess they didn't have a choice, but I would've preferred it if they'd gone out on a limb and instead pushed for a capitalist fairy tale.

With Whale Rider my issue is even more ridiculous. So many parts of this movie were great. Besides it being about a population you never hear about (Maoris), it was an interesting story and I loved the acting jobs by the mom and fat brother. And, I really shouldn't have been surprised that the movie would end with the ever-cute granddaughter riding a whale and being the chief the grumpy tradionalist was searching high and wide for. But here is my problem. The whole movie was about traditions and how important they were. But then they have a girl take over the chief role? It felt like the directors wanted the best of both worlds. And I know this is a ridiculous take (for contrast, as I was getting annoyed by this my wife was sobbing), but I just couldn't fully buy the women's lib meetes Maori myth thing.

I'm probably alone here and I don't know what this means in general, maybe that being a do-gooder public servant makes me need an unhappy message on my free-time. Not sure...

Pet Peeves #7 - #9

2007-01-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

Pet Peeves #1 - #3
Pet Peeves #4 - #6

7: People Reading Novels in Bars
I just don't get this. I like to read. I like to drink. But reading in a loud bar and drinking $5 pints when I could just be relaxing on the couch at home doing the same? I do not get it. I sort of get the feeling that they're introverted exhibitionists. Like that they're really getting into people watching them read.

8: Auto-formating
I cannot tell you how much time I spend fighting auto-formatting while trying to make worksheets or outlines. I just do not understand its logic and at times it seems like it's just fucking with me. Like yesterday, I pressed return and it changed the size of the type from 12 to 10-point font. Why would it think I wanted this? There wasn't single item of 10-point on the entire document. What pattern was it following? Oh, at this point he might just want this section in miniature? EMHO, I think you need to talk to Microsoft about this.

9: No Snow at Christmas
I mean, why go on a big trip to Chicago and not have a White Christmas? Next year I'm going to Denver...

CDX Awards 2006

2007-01-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

So the New Year has officially begun (or so it feels as I sit at my desk emotionally preparing for the transition from utter nothingness to Middle School chaos). But on the advice of EMHO, I wanted to give out some awards!

Most Versatile Commenter: Miguelito Frigolito, unless it's about sports of course

Most Likely to Comment on an Atlanta Hawks Blog: The Fabulous Craigeoke!

Most Likely to Comment on a Basketball Blog Not About The Atlanta Hawks:

Only Male Atheist on Planet to start both a Quilting and Bible Blog: None other than Michael5000

Most Supportive of the Blogging Enterprise: EMHO

Most Consistently Pleasant: My virtual friend Darci Ann

Most Randomly Connected: Dr. Ken, 5 of 9er, and Recken Roll. Are you guys virtual friends of virtual friends? Or virtual friends of virtual friends of virtual friends???

Most Likely To Instigate an Argument: Let's here it for Petrovich and Hipster! Always welcome controversey stirrers!

Most Likely to Read and Not Comment: ERCBO, I know you're out there

Most Likely Not to Read Even if I Set it as Her Default Screen on Her Computer: Mrs. Chuckdaddy (Although she did add in a very interesting comment on the Merry Holidays entry)

Thanks for visiting everybody, and let's get this year going.

Those Damn Canadians

2006-12-31T12:31:00.000-08:00

So, just got back from Chicago. And had a good, although jam-packed time. One experience though is standing out above the rest- Those Damn Canadians.

On one night a friend came over with her boyfriendand and at one point he started to complain about "All the Canadians" that came to his work. When I looked confused, his girlfriend explained that this was what the guys at his restaurants called blacks. He continued with his story, and although it was fairly benign racism (complaining about how they wanted their food too fast at a wedding) it was boding badly. Wife attempted to save the guy through generalizing his comment ("Yes, all people can be obnoxious at their wedding") but he wasn't to be deterred. "Nope, I've had Jews, Christians, everybody. But the Canadians are the worst." We quickly changed the subject. This has left me with a few questions...

1. Why Canadians?

I find it very strange that they picked Canadians. It's as if PCness has managed to infiltrate today's racist. Which seems to be a (mildly) good thing. Or, perhaps, they just use it b/c no one would guess it and then they can use it in front of the very people they are insulting.

2. Are Chicagoans more racist than Portlanders?

I do find myself in these situations more when I go to Chicago. Is it the people I tend to see there versus the people I surround myself with now? Is it that it's easier to be non-racist in Portland where everyone's white? Or, is it that Portlanders are just as racist, but just not as vocal about what they're really thinking? Curious what the Chicago Bloggers think of this.

3. Did we respond as we should?

These are always tough uncomfortable situations. How do you go about showing these people that this is not acceptable? Will admonishing them do anything? In the past, I've felt that just full-on not laughing and not smiling can switch the discomfort back to them. Which is pretty much what we did, but this certainly did not get the message across to this guy (he was a little on the dumb side). Perhaps we should have just said something along the lines of, "Could you not talk like that in front of me." And I'd have no problem doing that to a coworker or friend, but someone you just met... I've played with the idea of just saying, "Actually, my brother-in-law is black," (he's not) and then just stopping and letting them feel like an idiot.

Classic Rock Equivalent

2006-12-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

As someone who spent most of his formative years listening to Classic Rock (WCKG!), I pose the question, does every current band have classic rock equivalent? I'd like to think so.

Radiohead = Pink Floyd
This one is a slam dunk. Both are interesting, experimental, and not as deep as they think they are.

Marylin Manson = Alice Cooper
Anther easy one, but might already be a little dated (what happened to Marilyn Manson?). Both are more known for the shockingness than their songs. Kind of look the same. Only difference I can think of is Alice Cooper seemed to take himself a whole lot less seriously.

U2 = Steve Miller Band
I'm sure I'm alone on this. but think about it: lots of hits, all recognizable, nothing too crazy, better greatest hits album than actual albums. Yes, I think it works. Steve Miller just got unlucky and Bono very lucky.

Snoop = Eric Clapton
A werid one, but kind of works. Individual work is just above average, but both are seemingly everywhere, always turning up on various albums with various people. Both have careers that have outlived various musical trends. Yeah, it kinda works.

Jack Johnson = Jack Johnson
Are we sure his albums aren't just some dead guy from the 60s that are just being slowly released? I really think this guy's career would have been no different had his music come out 30 years ago.

GROSS INFESTATION ON MY FRIDGE!!!!

2006-12-21T08:41:00.000-08:00

Alright, I am not easily grossed out, but yesterday I discovered a little colony of these little white worm-like creatures living on my refrigerator. After some internet research, it appears these are just your everyday ordinary MAGGOTS. They are gone for now, bleached away, but some questions remain

1. What brings maggots? The weird thing about mine is I don't think they were in any food. The only edibles on the fridge were Ruffles in closed chips bags. Instead, what they appear to have been living in was the back of photographs. On closer inspection they were all over the fridge nestled in little cocoons behind photos and magnets. WHAT GIVES?

2. The internet says "maggot" is a general term for larvae, and that they eventually can turn into flies, moths... But I haven't seen any flies or moths in my house. And that's when the eggs are spread as well. How did I get so many of these without flies?

3. Aren't maggots supposed to just writhe around? These move almost like inch worms.

As you can see, I am questioning whether these are maggots or SOME NEW BIZARRE PHOTO INGESTING INCH WORM. After joining me in vomiting, I would appreciate any insight or information you may have on this subject.

Pet Peeves #4-#6

2006-12-19T10:15:00.000-08:00

Pet Peeves #1 - #3

4: Pedestrians when I'm a driver, drivers when I'm a pedestrian
And it is alamming at the speed at which I can change this viewpoint. I will literally be downtown driving cursing the slow walkers in my way and then park, walk out of my car, and instantly feel emboldened being a walker and annoyed at those pesky impatient earth killing metal machines.

5: White people who say, "Back in the day" and Black people who talk about their, "Love of hip-hop"
For different reasons. The white one b/c of the trying to act black. The black one b/c I get really annoyed when people act like Hip-Hop is some sacred poetry. I'm not saying it's not good music, but it's not exactly Emily Freaking Dickinsin either!

6: Raspberries in Chocolate deserts.
If I wanted a fruit desert I would have ordered the fruity desert. And who bestowed raspberries as the eternal compliment to chocoalate? Just because they're both dark? I don't get it.

Environmentalism Via Consumerism

2006-12-17T17:44:00.000-08:00

The last Economist had an article about eco-food buying, and, specifically, questioned whether buying organics, fair trade, or locally actually helped mother earth.

Organics: The downside to using natural methods and avoiding GMs/pesticides is it takes much more land to grow the same amount. For example, since the "Green Revolution" farmers have tripled their cereal grain production while only using 10% more land. You could make a solid argument that if we push developing countries to grow more organics we would lose more rain forests.

Fair Trade: Fair Trade is when a Western consumer pays more for an item so that people in the developing country will get paid a more livable wage (Free Trade coffee seems to be the most popular one). The Economist's issue here had to do with Supply and Demand (which I didn't quite get), but had something to do with screwing up the market and making prices lower for farmers not lucky enough to be involved in fair trade. Also, I guess most of the mark-up stays with the US store (freakin' capitalist hippies!), with only 10% going to the 3rd world farmers.

Locally Grown: The problem here was 3-fold. (1) It is often farther away to buy locally (a farmer's market versus your local grocery store) and driving is the root of everything environmentally evil. Which might seem counter intuitive, but even if your food was transported from very far away, it was efficiently packed together versus just you going an extra 5 miles to get a red pepper. (2) The energy it takes to grow a food in less suitable environments can be more than the lengthy transport. For instance, a study found it was better to truck in tomatoes from Spain then to grown them in Britain in heated greenhouses. (3) By buying locally you may be decreasing money that could be going to developing countries.

Not sure where I stand on all this. I've always been suspicious of the amount of good "organic" did, but also assumed it must be a little better. And I wonder if a lot of the negatives disappear if it becomes more universal. Like, in Portland you probably live close, if not closer to a healthy grocery store where you can get local and organics. And what about the people who ride their bikes to farmer's markets? What now Economist? And isn't it supposed to taste better? Curious what others, especially the more environmentally informed, think of this whole issue.

Merry Holidays

2006-12-14T11:15:00.000-08:00

A friend was telling me about some people at work making the following complaint, "I mean, I don't understand why people get so mad about saying Merry Christmas. It's Merry something. Shouldn't that be a nice thing to say?"

Now forgetting the question of whether or not an offended person is justified or being overly sensitive (I would lean to the latter as well), what I'm wondering is who is the person talking about? Did they say Merry Xmas to a coworker and get shot down? I don't think so. I think they've created this phantom person and are now annoyed at them. Which to me seems a little ridiculous. Like, if you think "Tonya" is too adamant about her Hinduism, think that. But don't get all riled up about "these people" that may not even exist. I feel like people are so paranoid about offending people, that they watch how they speak and then get bitter at the fact that they just self-censored themselves. Whose fault is that?

Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know anyone who cares, but maybe you all have a friend who responds to, "Merry Christmas," with, "Excuse me, Hanukah's a holiday too," or, "I only celebrate Kwanza, thank you very much." And maybe I'm the insensitive one, and it really is upsetting to be the oddball during Xmas time. But in the end, I think, that 99% of the people who hear, "Merry Christmas," don't think twice about it.

Albums of The Year: 2006

2006-12-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

Curious what others think on this. And feel free to make your own categories. My definite favorite of the year is Beirut's "Gulag Orkestar": AKA the Slavic Opus of a 19-year hig school drop out from Albuquerque. My vote for worst album is another easy one: Fergie's "The Dutchess". And I'd give "Whatever People Say I Am I'm Not" by The Arctic Monkeys the most overrated title.

Best Albums
Beirut "Gulag Orkestar": 3
Clipse "Hell Hath No Fury": 1
Jim Morrison "Undiscovered": 1
Swan Lake "Beast Moans": 1
Tim Hecker "Harmony in Ultraviolet": 1
Grizzly Bear "Yellow House": 1
Sunset Rubdown "Shut Up I Am Dreaming": 1
Xiu Xiu "The Airforce": 1
Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Show Your Bones": 1
Ghostface Killah "In My Own Words": 1
Band of Horses "Everything All The Time": 1
Peter Bjorn and John "Writer's Block": 1
Snowden "Anti Anti": 1
Neko Case "Fox Professor Brings the Flood": 1
Thom Yorke "The Eraser": 1

Worst Albums
Fergie "The Dutchess: 3
K-Fed: 2
Paris Hilton: 1
Everclear: 1

Overrated Albums
Joanna Newsome "Ys": 3
Arctic Monkeys"Whatever People Say I Am I Am Not":1

Pet Peeves #1 - #3

2006-11-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

The beginning of what could be a long list...

1. Baby's Name On Answering Machine
Look, I realize that little Charlotte or Baby Ben are now part of the household, but I don't think anyone's going to be calling them, at least until they can talk. So it's really not a surprise to me that Charlotte cannot make it to the phone right now.

2. Incorrect Push/Pull Markings
I don't know why this annoys me, but it really gets on my nerves when a door is marked "PUSH" when you can Push or Pull it to open. I think this is the case with every conveniance store in the world. Why waste the ink? Why make me stop for a moment and switch what I was going to do when it doesn't matter?

3. People Who Take Crosswalks Seriously
Crosswalks have their place, by schools, by parks... But what is up with the crosswalks across busy streets? I'm sorry, but you must have a death wish if you are crossing Powell Boulevard at night and thinking the crosswalk is going to act like an impenetrable force field to the oncoming traffic. I also hate it when they have a crosswalk right next to a bus stop, so you don't know if the people are waiting for the bus or waiting to cross the street. I'm a big fan of walkers, which is why I'd rather not run them over...

Fashion Issue #4

2006-11-29T13:12:00.000-08:00

Does Camo Ever Go Out of Style?

Have you ever noticed, that even if camoflague is never like the #1 stylish thing to do, it never fully goes extinct? I have to admit, I've had a bit of a camo bias, since in fourth grade Jason Mulack (our leader) made Tuesdays and Fridays Camo Day, and all of us made sure to attend school fully fatigued (I'm sure the fact that First Blood had come out earlier that year had nothing to do with it). And yes, we had all sorts of camo gear, the pants, a survival knife, and Jason even had a shirt that read "Marines don't die, they just go to hell and regroup." I even remember us picking the green plastic spoon at lunch instead of the white ones, b/c of the green one's latent armyness.

So yes, I am very pleased that camo's still around. And even admire its reinventions, like the underwater camo option. And it really fits camo's personality that it would endure and last so long. The question is why in the world would it ever be remotely fashionable? I mean its army green mixed with green mixed with brown. Not exactly your most aestheitic ensemble. But yet it lives on and on and...

Fashion Issue #1
Fashion Issue #2

Fashion Issue #3

Bunch O' Good Movies

2006-11-28T18:06:00.000-08:00

I've rented and gone to good some movies lately. Here they are...

Borat: A
Have you heard of it? Yah, not much to say other than that I too found it very very funny. In particular his intro at the rodeo show and his appearance on the local TV news.

Queen: A-
I was not super-psyched on this movie, being one who doesn't really care that much about the British royal family, but it was really quite good. The plot: right after Blair gets elected, Princess Di dies. As the country mourns, the Queen says nothing, and the country is not too happy about it. Lots of interesting aspects: like the weird traditions even the prime minister has to follow, and the power play between Blair and The Queen. Overall, a well-done movie definitely worth seeing.

Shakespeare Behind Bars: A
Kind of a feel-good feel-bad movie. It's about a jail where an outside director has inmates put on a Shakespeare play. They seem to really get into it. For instance, one past cast member puts off his parole hearing to after the performance because it was going to be the first thing he ever finished in his life. A year after his release he killed himself. So yah a feel-good feel-bad movie.

49-Up: A
This is the seventh and, I believe, last documentary where the director updates us on a group of people's lives every 7 years. The first one was when they were 7, then 14, then... I've read about them for a whiloe and have always meant to see one of them. Well, do. It's like time-lapse photography of the personality.

Oh, and I just realized all 4 movies have something major in common. First one to figure it out gets a full on Chuckdaddy shout-out.

Cities of the Decade

2006-11-19T22:25:00.000-08:00

Kind of a fun game to play is to try to think of what city best captures a particular decade. Some are pretty easy. 1920's would definitely go to Al Capone's Chicago, 1960's to the flower children of San Francsisco, and the 1980's to surfacey LA. Others take a little to figure out, but then make perfect sense. Like Seattle for the 1990's (Microsoft, Starbucks, and Grunge).

Others are trickier. The first things that came to my wife's mind for the 50's was the beat generation and atomic testing. I, on the otherhand, thought of a Leave it Beaverish Midwest city. And I have no idea for the 30's 40's or 70's. This decade is also pretty tricky. Perhaps we need some distance (and for it to finish). My only thought was that the defining parts of the 00's would likely be 9/11, the subsequent Middle East campaigns, and Bush's horrible presidency. If you focus on the last item and add in the of late focus on political curruption, could this decade be DC's? Not sure...

1920's = Chicago
1930's = Gary
1940's = Detroit
1950's = Cleveland
1960's = San Francisco
1970's = New York
1980's = LA
1990's = Seattle
2000's =Las Vegas

The Forbidden Foie Gras

2006-11-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

Looks like Chicago is going to ban foie gras. And Oregon and New York are considering it too. Not sure how I feel about it. As a meat-eating leather-wearing bacon-of-the-month-club member, not sure I can be all that critical of people into oversized duck livers. Shit, I even eat at KFC sometimes and I heard those chickens don't have heads, just gigantic genetically modified breasts. Guess I feel like even if it is terrible thing it shouldn't be illegal. Have to admit I'm a little curious of how it tastes now...

Thoughts After a Dentist Appointment

2006-11-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

1. I know I'm probably the 5 million and oneth person to notice this, but what are they thinking when they ask questions while scraping your gums? It really does put you in a strange position where you either ignore them or make them stop their work so you can answer. I've found asking long open-ended questions helps. "So, how was growing up in Medford..."

2. Are there any male dental hygenists? Or any female dentists? My dental office reminds me of a harem. Young women all hovering around the main dentist who they all seem to mildly worship.

3. Avoid the cinnamon flouride. Sounds tasty, but it burns...